This month we have a $70 phone bill. Why? Well, part of it is long-distance charges... much of that in what seem to be 7-minute calls to Canada.

I know I've called Canada. For 7 minutes, though? *blinks* That's a bit confusing.

And it was to two different numbers.

And it was for RIDICULOUS amounts... as in multiple dollars per minute in one case.

So first off, I'm not calling Canada (or anywhere else) again. No more of that. Sorry, folks.

Second, yes, it IS possible to run up $30 in long-distance charges without realizing it. I honestly didn't remember one of the Canada calls. One of the other long calls was to Nick, the day or so before he left for the army. I'm not going to apologise for that one. I refuse to apologise for it.

So why is this such a big deal? Because Cal's paycheck from the college didn't show up this month. It won't get here until next month.

And the new car we were getting, the one he only had to fly down and pick up? The one he'd already bought the plane ticket to go get? The fellow who had the car flaked out, decided to change his mind.

So there's the plane ticket down the drain. There's another expense - 'cos our car is falling apart. The brakes are failing, the tires have no traction, the speedometer doesn't work.

And I got lectured by Deb. "Jax, do you expect us to just pay all your bills when you're not bringing in any money?" No, I don't. "Jax, NOBODY runs up a phone bill without knowing it." Yes, they do... when it's that amount, in numbers that I don't even know for sure WHOSE they are, yes. It's not hard. "Jax, shut up, your excuses are bullshit." Gee, thanks. You yell at me about things and when I try to say ANYTHING in my defense... yeah.

SO y'know what?

Kadin, I love you. I love you a LOT. I'm going to make sure you are safe, that you are ok... I won't abandon you. Caleb, I love you. I know you love me too, and if I can think of some other way to do this, I'll gladly go with it. Alex... hey, at least this way we might meet. And Nick, I'll keep in touch, you know I care.

*sighs* England.

London.

Owned.

But at least then the only person whose resources I'll be a drain on is someone who is OK with that, someone who expects it and can afford it and doesn't mind it. Someone who will be getting as good as he gives. Someone who I can actually HELP, someone I can be useful for without killing myself in the process.

So yeah.

England.

People wonder why I make sure I have a place to jump... it's because I KNOW, without any doubt, exactly what my chances of living a good life here are gonna be.