Radu is a fragment of a dream from years and years ago, given a new breath of life first by Nanashi's watching imagination, then (with Raven's help) my writing and memories, now via Torian's tender mercies... *amused* ...he'll find flesh as well in Kadin's mind soon, perhaps in others. Dreamboy, a slave who never existed.

Delicious, seeing him turn into reality.

He's been clothed 'properly' now. He wears a pair of black jean shorts, originally a pair of full-length jeans but grown so ragged and frayed that finally they were chopped short, and a t-shirt, a gaudy shade of...? Right now, it seems to be dusty orange, vibrant, a couple sizes too large for his slender frame. Hand-me-down, obviously.

He's been fed twice since he's been in Torian's care, more than he'd been used to getting in a day. He's been left alone, for the most part... watched, first by a female slave, then by a male. Not allowed to serve. Not owned.

Not owned.

There aren't even words to describe how horrifying that thought can be, to a slave. One of the reasons I have welcomed this little shattered fantasy fragment, encouraged it to take shape, is because I want my boys to see it. To see him.

I know they already feel a void tugging at them, threatening to leave them empty, hollow, half-dead, were they unowned. I wouldn't expect any less - they are well-trained and know their place in my life and in the world. However, the lesson always bites just a little bit deeper when there is something concrete to observe.

I had considered giving the boy who was Radu a 'home' of sorts in Kadin's mind... not just the brief passing-through use of his imagination that Torian and Nanashi have experienced, but a true home. Yes, I was debating making Radu into one of Kadin's alts.

I spent some time hanging out at Rob's earlier this evening, and on the way home I was thinking about this... I'd decided not to inflict that kind of misery and chaos on my boy, decided he deserved better.

I walked in to a scolding by my housemates. It seems the kitten had called late, after one of my housemates was already in bed - I've made it VERY clear this is not acceptable. I had not even been expecting him to call, so there was no warning, just a jangling phone to awaken my housemate and earn me a lecture.

A very good rule of thumb: do NOT disobey a standing order when you know I'm already tempted to do something to make your life just that much more complicated and painful.

I had decided to spare him. Now I'm considering it again.

Radu is lurking at the edge of my vision once again, curled up on a dog blanket that was tossed off to the side of the computer room. Spoiled already by the kindness he was shown... I'll have to take care of that.

*picks up the blanket, folding it and tossing it instead on a chair... not using it, certainly, but not allowing a nameless, unowned slave the privilege of it either*

Create? Destroy? Or just reshape...?

Poor little kitten.