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Previous - this entry written on October 31, 2002 at 12:17 am - Next "Bother" by Stone Sour Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater You don't need to bother I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won't let go till it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me shit to digest I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying You don't need to bother I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won't let go till it bleeds Wish I'd died instead of lived A zombie hides my face Shell forgotten With its memories Diaries left With cryptic entries And you don't need to bother I don't need to be (I don't need to be) I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won't let go till it bleeds You don't need to bother I don't need to be (I don't need to be) I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I'll never live down my deceit Look, I know a lot of you could care less about song lyrics. But the song above IS my entry. Word for word. Serious here. Tell you what, I'll even break it down for you: Wish I was too dead to cry I do wish that, a lot of the time. My tears are a weakness. Being alive to cry is NOT a good thing. My self-affliction fades More like my desire for affliction, but it boils down to the same thing. Stones to throw at my creator Hate her. Hate me. Hate it. Hate him. Hate a lot of people, myself included, who can safely be charged with 'making me what I am today'. Masochists to which I cater What, you think I always hurt them because I want to? Think again. You don't need to bother You don't. As I've said before, this is my whining ranting place. It'll go away. Or get better. Or something. I don't need to be I don't. The longer I exist, the more reasons I find NOT to exist. They're winning. I'll keep slipping farther One piece at a time. Everything I try to strengthen my hold on this world... ends up just pushing me away. But once I hold on I won't let go till it bleeds *amused* Yeah. Blood. Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Hard to tell some days if I'm actually caring, or if it's just some weird apathy-state. Or dreams. Lots of dreams. Never had a voice to protest It's oddly true. The only parts of me that truly HATE this world, ALL the time... they're the ones who are gagged, beaten, silenced. So you fed me shit to digest Thank you, oh teachers of all sorts. I wish I had a reason I do. I wish I had a reason other than blind survival, unending pain, or just fucked-in-the-head. My flaws are open season Why d'you think I try so hard to get RID of them? For this, I gave up trying Not for 'this'... for 'him'. One good turn deserves my dying Ask me about this one. About an old entry found somewhere. A suicide note. "This was the best day I've ever had. I couldn't bear seeing it get worse." Wish I'd died instead of lived YES. A zombie hides my face Any mask will do, sometimes. Shell forgotten With its memories You have no idea how much I've forgotten. ~I~ have no idea how much I've forgotten. It irritates me. Diaries left With cryptic entries *bows gracefully* You don't need to bother And you don't. But if I actually don't want you to, you will... and if I do want you to, you won't. I don't need to be (I don't need to be) *sighs* I'll keep slipping farther Every day, every little bit of control lost... But once I hold on I'll never live down my deceit ...is another day where I have a chance to finish this. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
