Wherever You May Be
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Ok, I have NO rational idea how to respond to any of this. None. Nil.
Jax. Age: 23. Gender: Female, usually. Height, weight, hair color, etc: incidental.
Genius? Nope. God/dess? Not really. Likely to be able to fix everything?
Do I wish I could? Yes.
I don't know why everything seems to be falling apart. I don't know what's wrong, or why everything is hollow... I DO know that I've spent the week before OryCon, the week after, and ever week since, in sort of a blur. Painkillers. Cold medication. Antihistamines. Alcohol. Passed-out-asleep. Whatever, it all boils down to NOT sober, NOT conscious, NOT functional at all.
A month like this.
A month when, looking back, I've been doing nothing useful. Hiding. Yeah, I've been fighting with OHP and getting to Con and working (a bit) on the Catalog and getting an IV once a week... but... yeah. It feels like nothing.
Caleb's lonely, homesick, miserable. Kadin's feeling faked, bored, alone. Torian's depressed, lost, lonely too. I should be there for them, be HERE for them... I don't even know where to begin.
Caleb's coming up on the 24th.
Solstice party the 21st.
I need to get my tubes tied.
I need to go shopping for wedding-dress material.
What happened to happy? Looking back... yeah, every winter about this time, this sets in. The hunger. The tiredness. The drowsy hate. Every winter. I know a lot of it's just seasonal. And no matter how many times I chant that... it doesn't matter.
I feel dead.
I want to wake up, to be alive again.
...goblin king, goblin king, wherever you may be...
*skitters off into the shadows, seeking a storm lord to talk with, hoping, briefly, to find herself again in the lightning and rain*
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