Find me someone I can break.

Find me someone who doesn't want to be broken, who is terrified by the very thought, and who can show me that terror in ways I understand and am aroused by.

Find me someone who will let me hurt them, beg me to hurt them, even though the last thing in the world they want is so much as another second of pain, even though they already hurt so much that if they thought they could, they would beg me to stop.

Find me someone I can not only break but shatter, twist into a thousand fractured pieces of who they once were, destroying utterly every scrap of their pride, their dignity, their humanity, their freedom, their self-worth.

Find me someone who knows without a shadow of a doubt that I am the only person who can destroy them, who can hurt them, who can make them honestly beg to cease living... and the only person who can give them mercy, who can end their pain, keep them alive, make them GLAD to be alive.

Find me someone who understands how badly I need to see their fear, that it is a drug, a tonic, the only thing that keeps me happy and my happiness is the only thing that keeps their fears from coming true.

Find me someone who will belong to me, someone I can take and shape and mold, someone I can form into exactly what I want.

Find me someone I love so much that hurting them makes me cry, someone I care about so deeply that watching them suffer brings me agony.

Find me someone I hate so much that I cannot bear the thought of NOT hurting them for long, someone that I am willing to torture and torment and bring to the brink of madness.

Find me someone that I can comfort and heal, who I can restore to sanity and safety after shattering them. Someone who I will be able to repair if I damage, someone that I can take care of.

Find me someone who understands that words are a tool, a playtoy... but misuse of them can be deadly serious. Someone who appreciates the value and meaning in a few carefully-chosen phrases, who can make me laugh or cry, hug or hurt, praise or punish them just by the tone of their voice or saying little more than a handful of words.

Find me someone I can do all this to, someone who can be all of this, that I will not feel guilty about using so completely when it is over.

Find me someone that I can use over and over again.

Find me this person, and I will be happy. I will be content. I will be satiated, pleased, extatic. I will have my needs, for the moment, met.

Find me this person and you will have my praise and thanks.

Find me what I need.

Find me this person.

*sighs*

I miss Kadin a lot just now.