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You wanted cold, shaking hands. You have them.
You wanted a terrified slaveboy...already he is marked as yours. Your often foolish slaveboy, asking time and again for things he doesn't want, and then thanking you profusely for giving it to him.
You've managed to terrify him once again, leave him wanting to curl into a fetal position and hide. But of course, you've also left him eager to please as always, eager to get home and do as you ordered.
This is the third time typing this out...the power keeps flickering, cutting him off before he can finish.
Is it pleasing, Rahani, to know what he will be going through for you tonight? To know that he is about to do another humiliating task for you, to show you what a slave he is?
*takes a deep breath, her eyes gleaming* And it is pleasing... it makes me so proud, so happy... and so turned on. I like him terrified. I like him frightened. I like him shuddering, trembling... because I know that given even half a chance, the first place he will run for safety is my arms, even though I'm the one who frightens him. I know that I can make his fear and pain and worry stop.
I like that kind of power.
It's weird... I have friends who I know see me as some power-hungry bitch. I see myself that way sometimes. But the truth of the matter is that if I want power, it's to help as much as to hurt. Maybe even more help than hurt, when all's said and done.
Mind you, I don't ALWAYS want to help, sometimes I love to hurt... but it's like dark and light - having one without the other ruins the effect of it. Pain, pleasure, neither of them really seems important or REAL without the presence of the other to balance it.
I think that's why I can be a decent Domme, if I try - I'm aware of that whole balance thing, and can make it work. It's not as easy as it sounds - too much pleasure and you loose their attention, too much pain and you get nothing but fear, no protect-me cries, no... well, no love.
I know. Love. For a LONG damn time I didn't even want to say it... I thought I hated the word. I had said it in error, had it said to me when it was a lie... but I don't mean the deep, almost spiritual, pure devotion, friendship, lust, and admiration that is one-on-one love... yeah, that's important, but it's not something I feel for or expect to receive from any pet who happens to find himself in my hands.
I'm talking about the simpler kind of love... the sort of love a human and a puppy, for example, feel for each other. Protective and devoted, but not... not the same as boyfriend-girlfriend, as mates, you know?
Ach... perhaps ~I~ don't know. All I know is that I miss my boy... and July 4 seems too damned far away. I really hope he gets along as well with Caleb and the circle of people here as I think he will... because when all's said and done, I generally trust their judgement. I'd hate to be disappointed in him... or worse, to dislike him. I don't EVER want to do that. He needs people who care about him... and I need HIM. *shrug*
Guess I'm just greedy.
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