Obsession... t'lesh... *chuckles softly under her breath, distantly amused by something that she has no words for, nor wants words for right now*

I've been singing to Caleb, my songs... specifically one I wrote after the first night I spent curled beside Spike, waking up only to walk out the door, headed home as soon as I could bring myself to move again. It's overdramatic and whine-ish and comes off, when sung, feeling a bit like a goth version of a country-western... but despite that, the melody is a good one, I like the flow of it, and the rhyme scheme really works well when it's sung. *shrugs*

I want to make a CD of me, or maybe Rie, singing a collection of my songs, with me playing on keyboard to accompany them. I am worried that I will forget my songs, someday... they aren't great, nothing to write home about, but they are MINE and I like them. I've forgotten stories. I don't want to forget music.

There's another song in the Briar journal, one titled rather descriptively "A song I sing sometimes", that is also stuck in my head right now. The verse above is the last line of it. It's not a bad song... a bit predictable, really, the melody has a hint of the East in it, the Orient, but not enough to make it stand out. This one came from thoughts of Kadin, composed as I drove from Dixon house to Grr's place out in NE, when she still lived there with Rob as well as Thomas and Alan and Maia... yes, this was before Rhi.I wrote the song, and sung it only in my head, thinking of him.

I'm thinking of him now. It's Wednesday night, finally... and although he called on what was it, Sunday? When I had emailed him to give him this number but told him not to call until AFTER Wednesday... anyway, he called then, but not tonight. Apparently he is making sure it will be after Wednesday when he calls.

Which is somewhat ok - right now he's in Chiliwack, which I am sure I spelled wrong, having a job interview with Stream, and I wish him well. Because of that interview, he needs his sleep.

Gods... the 'codone is kicking in something horrible now. I can barely keep my eyes open. I also don't hurt anywhere, but part of that might be that, simply, I have no sensation at all anywhere other than warmth, and a distant almost-ache on my fingertips when they strike they keyboard. Right now I am just tired.

I think I'll go curl up in bed and wait for Caleb to get out of the bathroom. We can snuggle, and fall asleep together. He had said he inteded to be in bed by around 1:oo and according to the computer clock it's 12:40. Likely it'll be another ten minutes before he gets out, so... *smiles*

I got to spend a bit of time talking with Trinian today; he's doing well, as is his SO... *chuckles softly* ...I remember envying her. And envying him a bit too - not because of her (I only met her briefly in Furc) but because he has it in him to remain entirely committed to her, and only her. Not 100% monogamy, quite, but something that could pass for it in a court of law. Anyone who can do that impresses me.

I am still trying to listen... not many people to listen TO right now, though. Just me, Caleb, and occasional online presences.

No left-field advice.

And it was Buffy night, and because there is no TV here, we both missed Buffy... gonna miss it again next week... pleasepleaseplease someone who is taping it, let me have a copy?

*wanders off to bed, sniffing the air... it smells as if someone nearby is having a BBQ, odd at this hour of the night, and the meat being cooked is definitely lamb, it's got that sweet scent to it... licks her lips, a tad hungry suddenly* Evil people. Tempting poor Jax at horrible hours of the night. *pout*