I'm missing Alex. *wry grin*

"...and from your lips she drew the hallelujah..."

Yep. This is Jax, quoting song lyrics once again because once again, she can't find the words but someone else did.

"Baby I've been here before... I've seen your flag on the marble lodge, love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..."

*sighs*

I'm missing a lot of people.

Today is the huge Hallowe'en party at Mike's house, everyone will be there... everyone except the Jax who can't deal with people, who is more afraid of her friends than of perfect strangers, who is trembling just thinking about going and sitting around, having fun, getting drunk, partying...

...what do they call it when you seem deathly terrified of enjoying yourself?

"...and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you... it's not a cry you heard at night, it's not someone who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..."

I'm playing the song over again. And Alex is right, the line hurts deep enough to bring tears. This guy is actually a good singer, really good voice that's just a bit rough, it's got the sound of someone who has spent a lot of time crying but somehow still believes in people... somehow... sometimes... maybe...

I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to the next few weeks or dreading them. Maybe both.

It's been a long day already and it's not even sunset yet.