It's hard to find words for someone whose meaning to you and place in your life changes so rapidly.

It's hard to write about someone when most of the times you think of him and need him are the times when you are either too happy to want to write... or in too much pain to be able to write.

It's hard to look back and realize that reasons aside, excuses aside, you HAVE been damned close to ignoring someone who has more than once turned your life around.

It's hard to be so confused and hurting so much that a bond you KNOW is unbreakable... isn't there to reach. Or rather, is just out of reach... visible, and comforting for that... but... you remember more.

It's hard finding half-forgotten names slipping off your tongue... yes, Gouki, that's what I mean...

It's hard wondering how much longer someone is going to be willing to put up with your distraction and forgetfulnes.

It's hard knowing that someone you consider a close friend... is going through a hell you can't see, can't feel, can't help with.

Yeah.

Life is hard.

...and you deal with it, and you keep going.