Amazing how many people I miss right now.

Caleb... Kadin... I need them here, curled up beside me, obedient and comfortable and above all, SAFE. My boys. My property.

Nick... he keeps calling when I am just about to leave, or expecting another call in two minutes... and the one time recently we set up a time and everything, I passed out and left the computer online like an idiot.

Daris... he's insane enough that he makes me feel almost rational by comparison, he writes well, and he makes me smile.

Arrasto... for some reason I am, apparently, not being allowed to talk to him or see him. This irritates me. I miss him a lot.

Alex... good god, thoughts of Alex and homemade mead and Juliet and snuggles and sitting for hours in Powells together, reading, talking, I'd so love to show him Sparticus... yeah. I miss him too.

Tanya, who I miss LOTS, she is an amazing cuddlefucktoy and is very comforting, too. I want to know how she's doing. *grins* Want details about her and Athena.

Nreshan. Even if he's an idiot at times. Even if he's still being irritatingly stubborn and refusing to update his journal, making me constantly worry about him and wonder what he's doing. *shrugs*

Nre... Al-X... Hida... hell, Armand... don't ask me about the connections there. They REALLY should not be explored.

I miss my sister.

I miss my dog who is dead, has been for several years.

I miss the stuffed animal I sent with kadin when he went back to Canada.

I miss Rhett, I still remember curling up on the mattress-sofa-thing and listening to his stories, telling him mine, the two of us bouncing ideas off each other and getting more and more perverted by the minute... he's fun to talk with and decently snugglish when he's in the right mood.

I miss Angel, and I wish I didn't, because I don't know what to do about it.

I miss SnowTygrrr... best damned drama I've gone through in a long time, and that voice... *purrs* ...yeah. I know. I'm a sucker for assholes, accents, and anyone who listens to the soundtrack for "Last Of The Mohicans" as obsessively as I do.

I miss being almost-healthy.

I miss sleeping without having nightmares.

I miss not waking up in pain.

I miss the times when I wouldn't see the inside of a hospital for YEARS... oh. Wait. Never had that. I'd like to try it, though.

Oh, well.

There's a Scott crashing here tonight, and that's a Very Good Thing. He went with me to the hospital and came home with me, and I am very glad, because they gave me a bottle of 120 pills. Big pills. Fairly strong pills. Combine those with what else I've got around here, and... yeah.

So I'm glad he's here.

At least I won't be sleeping alone.

No sex, and that's ok with me tonight. My body needs to heal. But cuddling and the knowledge that when I wake up, someone will be here. That helps.

It's really sad how much that helps.