Kitten
Previous - this entry written on 2001-03-31 at 8:28 a.m. - Next


Kitten. Kadan Jasan Raven, SLRN 703403. Oni Childe. Kadin Neko. Geoffry Puttick. MINE. And he is online, only for a few minutes, gods, just a few... it feels as if I am floating though. I can talk to him again. I know he's ok. I know he's alive. I know he still cares. I know he is mine.



He'd removed the tag he usually wears, the ribbon had chafed him something aweful... it's back in place now. He is going to send me his work schedule for this month. He is wonderful.



My slave... my kitten... my friend, my partner (that's what Kadin means, in Bato'Cirn, partner, and partnership...), my pleasing, clever, cunning, amusing pet. He's back.



I would be surprised that I could cry right now, but around him, nothing truly surprises me, not if it's good. He leaves me happy. He pleases me. He exists to please me, at times... he is mine, and I love him for it, I love him for being himself, I love him. Another case of "Don't know what you've missed 'till it's gone." but in this case... gods.



*curls up purring* If I could have one wish... I don't know what I would wish for. But if I had three, one of them would be to have Kadin by my side, at my feet, HERE. I want that boy so badly that it aches...



...speaking of aches, yes, I still have the kidney stone. And up until I heard/saw him log online, it was hurting like a bitch... now? No pain. Nothing. Just... bliss. *huge, silly grin* Gods, I've missed him. This... it's like Elru disappearing, only for MONTHS instead of just a week... *shudders*



On my ICQ he's still listed as Kadin Neko. I really should change that... but it's familiar. I like it that way. Hmm...



*soft sigh* Pam. His best friend... female. Knows he belongs to me. Apparently has been avoiding getting online because she doesn't want to be 'trapped' and seems to think I would do so... I just deleted her from ICQ. Kadin seems to think that's not the answer... but he's not really protesting it either, I think it's for the best. *shrug* So now I've no way to contact him through her... then again, I have her phone number if I need it, and Ozzy's, I think... addresses, street names... you'd be amazed how much I know about the little Canadian town he lives in and the people who live there with him. Perhaps more than some of them know... it's kinda impressive. It makes me happy.



Happy... and I'm crying again. Just knowing how long it will be before I see him... that I will have to disappoint him, not go up this month... there's no way I can afford it. Part of the money I might have used, I spent while Nick was down here... had to, was still too sick to be able to work, needed to pay bills and eat food. *soft sigh*



I'm gonna close this... I don't know if I can keep writing. He's about to leave, and the pain is coming back. I'm going to go take a couple Vicodin, and lie down... and dream of my kitten. Mine. MY kitten. My Kadin. My slave. Gods...



He's the only one who has never gone Dom, who has never denied me, who has served because he honestly feels that's his place. He's the only one who I can honestly call mine. Honestly? If anyone else is jealous of him... to some extent it's justified. He holds a place no one else will, not that no one else CAN... but one by one, they decline that position. I don't think they should complain, if I treasure him for holding it.

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