Luck Be A Lady Tonight...
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Early, early morning... I am up and awake for several reasons. One of them is a looming bladder infection. I can feel it coming, and I HATE that feeling. It's icky. It's also uncomfortable - the main sign, other than the it-hurts-to-pee one, is the part where I am NOT horney but still feel as if I simply MUST be fucked, or I'll go mad. Disturbing.

Add to that an unexplained pain in my right kidney, the one that has NOT had a stone in it yet, it's always been my left... so now I am a bit worried about that. I can just see myself with a bladder infection and a stone in both kidneys, woohoo! Addiction, here I come again... I'm completely, totally out of vicodin. No reserves. Nothing. And I'm already jonesing... dammit.

Someone wrote a poem and decided that somehow it was inspired or influenced or some other i-word by mine... which was incredibly cool. I feel very role-model-ish, which is rather rare. You can see the poem in question here, if you're interested. It interested ME, I love finding out people have gotten my stuff stuck in their heads enough that they have to write out their own to make it go away. *grinpurr* Besides, it's a damned good poem. So yeah, I feel proud.

In other news, I'm going to be talking with Slash's current Signifigant Other on Monday, hopefully. There are many reasons for this... the main one being that well, I do need to talk to her, and she did ask to talk to me. One of the not-so-main but still very important ones involves Nre... and not Nreshan. There was a boy I owned for a while named Nre, long before Nreshan showed up... and I'd like to see that boy again, even if it's just from a distance, only when M. (Sig. Other) is around, whatever it takes. I miss him too. But that's in the future, it may be that M. will decide that I'm not to see him at all, and I will have to accept that. Or it may be he won't even get mentioned in this first conversation, and I will be ok with that too, I guess. This is all.. hm. In some ways, it's what I expected/hoped for/wished would happen. I don't like having people that feel like skeletons in the closet, I am at least passing friends with my ex-playmates, ex-partners, ex-lovers, ex-whatevers. I want to keep it that way.

Slash and I talked a lot about what exactly had happened, there toward the end. It left me with a couple questions... one of them involving something Caleb said, or might have said... M. should be able to confirm or deny this, at least to some degree. One of them, of course, involves Nre. Several of them are the 'gods, was I THAT blind?' type, and others are the 'am I sure I want to do this' sort... it's all very confusing.

Somehow, though, I think it's going to be ok. Mind you, I base that on the fact that it's always been OK before... Scott, Rhett... I really don't have THAT many people I can consider exes, and getting back together with them in the friends sense, sometimes even more, has not proved to be seriously damaging to my health.

I am occasionally favored by the Lady... not often enough to count on it, and She could give a rat's ass about my health, apparently... but at least until now She's been kind enough. I'm alive, aren't I? I've got friends and pets and slaves and lovers... I've got a place to live, food to eat, and at least enough health care to keep myself alive and drugged when I need it. If I dared, I'd thank Her... but I don't think She's that sort of Goddess. I think the best I can do is change other peoples' luck for the better occasionally, and hope She doesn't mind.

Yes, I am mildly religious at times. Usually my religion involves Tarot cards, candles that are also used for interesting things, and a pantheon that changes as my needs, my beliefs, and my feelings do. My religion is a thing of the moment, it is what feels correct, what seems... not rational, but right.

And right now, I think I'm in love with the Lady. *grin*

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