Twisting... music catching at me, drawing me in, drawing me down. I can feel it, taste it, the scent of each note, the sound of it dripping onto my tongue... the only way to express this delicious delerium is with chaos, mix-and-match the phrases until something fits, until the fire inside spills ash-dark and flame-bright onto the page...

...oh it's such a drag, what a chore...

Dreaming now of the nameless slave, picturing him... and right this moment, he wears my kitten's body, face thinner, hair dark and thick and heavy, but the set of his shoulders and the weary way he moves himself, hips shifting before anything else, impatient tap of fingers against flesh, it screams Kadin.

...hey, get-get-get-get get over it...

So what will I do with this dreamfigure, what will he become? He's solid enough now that I don't really see myself letting him go, no oblivion for this created form. Not when he's proving so... useful... already. I think he'll stick around for a while, at least until I'm certain I have no further use for him. And what use could I have for a nameless, unowned, pathetic, untrained, unclaimed piece of collar meat? What use could I possibly have for something so low, so filthy?

...makes you sick, makes you ill...

Simple enough. I could give my boys a taste of what he is.

More than words. More than explanations. More than anything, really... a slave, bound and broken.

Broken.

Unowned, unwanted, unneeded... shattered, willing to beg for the worst tortures, the most horrible acts, anything if only it pleases someone long enough to claim him again. Willing to humiliate himself, to ruin his body, destroy the tattered scraps of pride he has left, just for the hope of a collar.

...ain't it just a bitch, what a pain, well it's all a crying shame...

I'm bored right now, bored and hungry and craving amusement. Even with Kadin's disobedience, he's not angered me enough to earn what I'm considering now... and Torian certainly doesn't deserve it either.

They are GOOD boys. Well-trained, for the most part. Well-behaved, generally. Pleasing, amusing, entertaining.

Why am I so bored, then? Kadin's at work, and likely won't be back in time to call at a reasonable hour. Torian's asleep and will be getting up for school soon. This leaves me without either of them available. Right now, that's not a good thing.

I want one of my boys RIGHT NOW... want him whimpering, begging, trembling, desperate... either terrified, afraid of the pain and misery he knows I am going to put him through or afraid that I won't hurt him, won't use him, won't find him WORTH hurting... or aroused, so turned-on that he can barely breathe, body twisting and rocking as he rubs himself against thin air, pleading to be allowed to humiliate himself in so many ways, anything, if only I allow him to cum...

I want to hear one of them, actually HEAR them, listen to the tiny catch in a voice thick with tears or lust.

I want.

Gods.

Maybe I'll go masturbate.