A lot of pain.

I want, NEED, physical aching horrible NEED, five things in life.

1) Vicodin. If I had that, the other needs would go away.

2) Chocolate and/or red meat, the more the better.

3) Someone to hurt. Seriously hurt. DAMAGE. BREAK.

4) Alcohol, and lots of it.

5) A good heating pad or a big bathtub full of warm water, a good book, and some cold soda.

That's my list right now. Fuck missing people... I do that enough of the time and yes, I still miss them, but right now I hurt so much that I'm having a hard time remebering my own name, let alone theirs... only names I've given catch in my thoughts right now, and even those are fleeting.

I want those five things. I'd settle for even #2, #4, and #5 if I could have them within, oh, an hour of each other. Booze, Warmth & Comfort, and Food. That's what I'm after right now. The breaking of someone would be relaxing, and the vicodin would obliterate the need for any of the others...

...but I am not that fortunate.

No vicodin for Jax.

Even if I was on healthcare and went in... no vicodin. They'd laugh me out of the emergency room, MAYBE give me 800 mg Advil.

Gods... it HURTS... someone, please make it stop hurting?