And eventually I figured out one important thing: Talking to ones'self is a really good way to get looked at strangely.

Fortunately, I also figured out about this time that NO, I had no clue what I wanted... but that if I was ever going to find out, I'd have to start looking in new places, since the places I'd already looked just didn't work.

I moved to the City, got myself a series of jobs (including Professional Dominatrix - let me tell you, girls, this is THE job... they pay you to be rude to men and beat them up and wear hot corsets and shit, it's incredible! Does wonders for your self-esteem... and no, you don't have to have sex with the clients. That's the seriously cool part. It's LEGAL!)... tried a lot of men, a handful of women, and finally figured out that although I like girls, I prefer men as long-term partners... that I like both sides of the metaphorical fence, but prefer to be Domme, at least right now... that there really IS such a thing as love, and it involves snuggles and chocolates and chinese food, role-playing games and picnics, long-distance phone calls and Outlaw Star and a million other things...

...and that it's different for everyone. It really is - don't let anybody, me included, tell you what love has to be like. It's all bullshit... that's just what love is like for the person who is handing out advice. *shrug*

About the only real constants with love: It takes giving things up sometimes. It takes work and time and all the boring stuff. And it is SO completely worth it.

So there's my rant on that... *wry grin* ...I think I need to go take my vicodin. I've been up for two hours and haven't taken any pills yet, be amazed!