...and I could touch them, then. Once he turned someone downward, shoved them off their little pedestal, they were within my grasp. I remember watching him corrupt an angel's child, watching him chip away at the last remaining traces of goodness and decency shrouding a dark-furred feline, even saw him slowly breaking a young mouse who had done nothing to deserve his cruelty... And all of it was so beautiful.

It's hot here, very hot. The air conditioning is on in the living room but I'm in here with the computer and a window that seems determined to let the hot air IN, not out. I have some soda - stopped by Subway on the way home from picking Eamon up at the community college, and completely forgot to go in and see if Mix Tape Boy is there - and a few cough drops left, not the good numbing ones but the icky halls type, which is technically better than nothing but only technically. There's a vicious little gnome that has taken up residence in my throat and seems to make a hobby of slicing my lungs and trachea and voicebox to ribbons... the more I talk, or swallow, or breathe, the more it hurts. Evil evil evil.

I've gotten emails from Nick... when I got the first one I honestly wasn't sure if I was brave enough to respond. I dreamed about him last night. Woke up and actually had to spend a good fifteen minutes reminding myself that it was just a dream.

It's funny how... potent... dreams can seem, when you wake up. Even more so if you wake up in a dark room, not sure of what time it is or what day it is or of anything, really, except your wish to go back to the dream. This was one of those, leaving me dizzy and confused and making me curl up for a moment and try as hard as I could to get back to sleep, back where it was safe and interesting and... yeah. *sighs, shrugs*

Round and round... I still think that my period is due - I damned well HOPE it's due - and I wish it would just hurry up and get itself over with.

I keep meaning to post the rest of that Vampire Tarot... it's just basic cards, as far as I know, no sabbat or odd clans.

Did I mention it's bloody hot here? *sweats*

I have a lot of emails and phone calls and messenger conversations to reply/return... Nick, Rhett, Daris... and I'd like to know how Kadin is doing but the odds of him getting through if we don't hook up online and plan a time are pretty slim. I'm typing this now in notepad, since the phone is needed; Juliet is supposed to be calling, and she needs to come over, and possibly pick up a Scott on her way, as there is gaming happening tonight. Me? I just want to find somewhere cool to sleep. I'm dead tired, and upstairs is so miserable hot that I can't even bear to THINK about it for long.

Does anyone know what one is supposed to do about a mild O.D. on sleeping pills? Just curious...

...and tempted to play StarCraft... and bunches of other things... tired, so very damned tired. All I want is to sleep, but I know I won't get any rest in this heat. It doesn't help that I've got one of those nifty internal arguements going on. Particularly, it doesn't help that I keep wanting to push just a little, pry open the dusty, darkened door that lurks in a corner of someone's mind, draw out the thing hidden there... taste it, touch it, experience it... I want to feel.

I want to feel.

It's really hot, and all I feel at the moment is my sore throat, my left kidney, and sweat trickling down my spine. Maybe it'll be cool enough to sleep in the family room. Maybe not. It's worth a try either way, though. So very, very tired... all I want, all I need, is rest and escape from this horrible pain. Simple things. Shouldn't be too hard to manage.

Tomorrow morning I have to get up early to call and schedule a doctor's appointment for either tomorrow or Friday, depending on when they have openings. I've got to go in a couple hours early and get labwork done. I have a few suspicions about this labwork... mostly, that they are testing to make sure that I am actually TAKING the oxycodone, not selling it. *snickers* Sell? Hell, if I had any money I would be trying to buy MORE. Argh. Did I mention I'm nearly out? I'll make it through the week... then I've at least two weeks of pain and withdrawals. Not looking forward to that.

Tired.

I'll post this later - been told that I MUST stay offline. Not my idea of fun.

Hot. Tired.

Lonely... but we won't talk about that.