I really shouldn't be - I have two wonderful boys, I'm in reasonably good health. I should be thankful. Grateful. All that bullshit.

But really, I'm just tired and angry. Upset, because I wanted to sleep, I mean REALLY wanted to sleep, and first the movie kept me awake (kadin and caleb watched "Freejack" at an obscenely loud volume), then when the kitten came in, he managed to crush my left breast and irritate the fuck out of me.

Ever hear the song "Particle Man"? I hate the song. HATE it. And he'd already played it once today, while I was trying to have sex with Cal. GAH.

So now he sings it to me, and gets surprised when this does NOT leave me feeling happy and smiling and snuggly.

It just pisses me off.

He'd been such a GOOD pet, too... seriously pleasing. We played with hot wax for the first time today and my kitten, with a pain tolerance that is in the negative numbers, took enough of it that his back was pretty much covered in the stuff. I was VERY impressed.

He was wonderful company.

Amusing.

Pleasing.

And somehow he manages to fuck it up. How the hell does he do that? *sigh*

So I'm up late. I'm very tired. Caleb and Kadin are asleep on the bed - I don't feel like crawling in the middle and roasting. Maybe I'll just sleep in the cage or something. I doubt either one of them would notice.

Yes, cynical. I've got a right to be cynical - I took some of my old anti-depressants and in combination with each other, they actually worked. Why does it take me being bored and nearly-suicidal to find this out? Why did the doctors not suggest this? WTF???