Morning Afterglow
Previous - this entry written on 2001-06-18 at 10:27 a.m. - Next


I read too much. This time, though, it's nothing BDSM, no Akasha tales to keep me on that edge of hunger and lust, no sweet stories written by a pet to distract me from my moods, no sci-fi, none of that.

This time, I'm just reading diaries. Reading boy-ashamed, again-still. I've re-read his latest entry twice now. It made me smile both times. He's so very not used to being in love... it makes fools out of everyone, and it doesn't always go right, and it's unpredictable and pathetic and ridiculous and strange... but doesn't it feel GOOD? That little space in your thoughts that fits him exactly, the way you can suddenly get all bubbly just because you remembered that one hair he missed while shaving, maybe you hear his voice on an answering machine or even hear someone who sounds vaguely like him and you melt... yes, I know there's more to love than that. More than just the melting, the happiness, the feelings that leave you dizzy.

More than the silliness.

More than the almost-a-crush sensations.

That doesn't mean you can't enjoy this part of it too, you know. I still get weak-kneed when I hear a few certain voices, even ones that I hear every day. I still can trick myself out of depression half the time just by thinking about someone in particular, imagining him here with me, no sex, not even any violence, just talking... maybe playing Magic. There are people right now that I would happily do nothing but play Magic with for the rest of my life, just because it would mean they were here. *wry grin*

There's so much more to love. There's sacrifice and affection and care and the arguement over whose socks are whose, there's bitter fights that last for hours and end with fantastic sex because well, it always seems to be fantastic when you're that excited, and then the next morning you wake and you're both perfectly happy again. There's times when love hurts, don't get me wrong.

But that's not all it is either.

Sometimes, it's ok to be in love and to not only be there, but to ENJOY it.

*smile* It's nice seeing someone else enjoying it.

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