Tonight, He Is My Reason
Previous - this entry written on November 08, 2002 at 5:20 am - Next


He sleeps...

...frustration and rage, I know I am unreasonable. I know it. And I won't even try to change it, most of the time. Days - nights - like this? I would give my soul to be kinder, better...

*chuckles softly*

...or not. Hard to be kind, when my body is in pain and my mind is drifting and everything frustrates, everything irritates... hard to be kind, then. And I snap, and I rage, and yet afterward even when he's hurt and offended and frustrated that he can't seem to do anything right, even then, he obeys, he loves, he cares. Even then, he is mine.

And so now, watching him sleep, I am breathless, stunned by how much he means to me. He takes the worst that I have to give, not violence but uncaring irrational boredom and everything PMS, he holds me, sees me through.

I would give the universe to him if he begged. I will hold him, keep him, and do everything in my power to make sure that he understands how much he matters.

Late nights, when none of my boys are here, no one to hold, no shoulder to cry on, no body to use... still, he is there.

Still, the memory of his final obedience, his willingness to do what is needed... still, that holds me up, smiling, content.

I can't stay angry at him. I can't stay frustrated, or furious.

Beautiful little slave.

Thank you, pet. Thank you for all that you are and all that you give so willingly and so perfectly.

Mine.

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