Yeah. Still playing in my head... or is that my heart?

I'm smiling today. Kadin's online. I haven't taken any meds - NONE - in 24 hours. I'm done with this.

I know once my painkillers are refilled, I'll take some occasionally; it really is that bad, and much as I'd like to pretend otherwise I cannot function when the pain is bad enough that walking and even breathing becomes near-impossible. But I won't take them all. Not ever again.

I can believe in anything, if I can believe in a few simple things. In a few people.

If I can trust them, I can conquer the universe.

It's not love. Love is... painful. Frustrating. Wonderful too, yes, and worth treasuring. But this is something else.

Trust.

I don't do it often, and I don't do it well, but today I trust. Today I refuse to do anything else. I trust myself. I trust my boys.

And...

...maybe...

...I trust someone I haven't really met yet.

You have to be worth trusting, if you're someone's last wish. I hope she was justified.

I want to meet him.

I want to survive the meeting, too. *wry grin* Yeah, I'm cocky - I know I'm good at what I do, and I know I'm good, period. I know what I want, usually; and sometimes I even know how to get it.

It's just that I don't usually want something that has the capacity to want me in the same way.

I don't 'do' equals, generally.

This, as I have said before, could be fun.

*pads off to sharpen her claws, and wait*

Should I expect an answer, this time? Should I actually believe it will happen? One week, say.

One week of faith.

I can do that.

Iri sa.