He belongs to a lady named Mistress ???, a wonderful, charming woman who contacted me after finding my profile on Alt.com, the alternatives personals service I belong to. (Look for LadyJax and for alice_darling or alicegirl, I don't remember what my submissive handle was.) She found me there, looking for someone local, someone who could teach her boy a thing or three. See, right now she doesn't have time to spoil him - I'll explain why in a few weeks, right now I'm being extra-special-careful. I don't want him to somehow, maybe, recognize himself.

I'm going to be a surprise for him. She's going to hand him over to me, me who he thinks is a sweet, innocent friend, he has NO idea that I'm into D/s.

She's going to tell him that either he cooperates with me or he won't see her again. Ever. That I am his new trainer, effectively his Mistress until I decide he's learned enough to be worth returning to her. She's tired of his bullshit, of how far he has been pushing her lately, even though he KNOWS she doesn't have the time to play with him right now. He keeps pressing, keeps behaving like a spoiled little brat. I'm going to fix that.

How? Oh, it's a delicious plot.

I'll write in here, tell you all how it goes, if he breaks right away, if he maybe (goddess, I hope he doesn't) refuses to play along, if he begs for mercy or is just grateful to be given one last chance before she tosses him out. You see, he really does care for her, and she for him... I honestly think she loves him. But she refuses to allow him to get above himself, love or not, and I think that's cool. It reminds me of Kadin and I, in many ways.

Caleb... he's got a LOT of freedom. Yes, I'm demanding and bitchy and sometimes cruel. But really, I've not put much pressure on him as far as D/s. Our relationship is just that - a relationship. Loving and sweet, full of snuggles and private jokes and Guppie Bubble Kisses. Kadin, though. Different.

See, I love the kitten. Maybe as much as I love Caleb. But this time I also know what I want. I'm not coming out of a horribly abusive relationship, I'm not on a rebound, I'm going into this with eyes more-or-less open. I am expecting my slave to arrive on the bus, early July 4th.

Not a mate. Not even a partner, although he is in many ways. But it's not the heart of this. Not his true role. He knows that although I love him and care for him and want him to be happy, that if he is to be with me it will be as a slave, always. I don't intend to give him the freedom that Caleb has asked for and earned. I don't intend to even give him a chance to TRY to earn it. I intend to keep him a slave unless/until he is ready to be completely free... at which point he and I will be friends. Nothing more.

Why am I so determined to have this? I'm tired of playing games, tired of part-time slavetoys, long-distance playmates, tired of not having someone curled at my feet each night if I want it, and curled up in a corner, whimpering, praying for attention but not pushing it, if I don't want him there beside me.

I want a slave. I've known what I wanted for a while - I've ranted about it here, hunted for it, looked for it... and while Kadin was online but still in Canada, it was... close. But not perfect. I need the physical side as well as the mental and emotional. And now I'm going to have it.

He knows what he's walking into. He knows that when he arrives, he will be in one of two households. Either this one, where he will be treated reasonably well but as a guest and as someone who is second to Caleb... or Grr's, where it will be known that he is a slave, and he will be expected to behave accordingly. He knows he's going to be owned. Collared. Used. Abused. He knows it won't always be fun or easy. He knows it will be hard work, sometimes.

He also knows that I love him, that I don't intend to EVER make it more than he can bear, that I want him to be happy here.

It's the first time in his life that he will be surrounded by people who honestly care. His parents... evil. His friends are high-school kids, there's a limit to what they can do for him and how loyal they can be. He lives in a small town, works at a library, and his best memories are of talking with me. He needs to be here, to have an actual LIFE, to learn and grow.

I don't intend to keep him locked up. Collared, yes. He will NEVER be without some symbol of ownership, never without that proof that he can see and feel that someone wants him, treasures him. *wry grin* Well, never unless he manages to seriously piss me off.

Only when he is able, ready, and WANTS to take care of himself, will he be allowed to choose to keep the collar or not. His first year here, he has no choice. NONE. He belongs to me.

But every year, the Fourth of July will have new meaning for him. Every year, I intend to have him choose all over again, whether to accept the 'normal' freedom, no collar, no slavery... or to choose the true freedom and happiness he finds in serving me. When he's ready, I will let him go if he wishes. I do want him to be happy.

But until then... until then, he's mine. And I have rarely been as happy as I am when I realize that fact, each time I say it to myself... "He is mine. Kadin Jasan Raven, my slave, my pet, my theunre..." every time, I smile.

His submission makes me happy beyond words.

It's something I haven't had in a very long time. I intend to be worthy of it. Yes, I honestly feel I need to be worthy of him, not just the other way around. He is trusting me with the most wonderful gift anyone could ever give me... this is something that I have to live up to.

Somehow, I think I will.