I don't think I'll ever really be over this, over her, any more than I'll ever really be over Al X. *shrugs* I guess that's part of why I'm a Split, and part of why I'm a switch, and most of why I'm me. It started there, the reality of it and the certainty of it, everything that I would have sworn I was and everything I was certain I needed... it all came - comes - from there. Starting point.

I keep saying I'm growing past that, that I'm getting over her, that I have learned not to trust, not to let myself be ripped apart for someone who doesn't care. I've spent most of the time that I've had this journal saying that. I think I'm wrong. I don't think I'll ever grow past that, any more than a rose can grow past the thick thorns at its base. There may be grace and beauty and certainty to come, but those thorny memories will always be a part of it. A rose without thorns and stalks and leaves, just a pile of petals blowing away with the first half-decent breeze, they wouldn't be the same. Wouldn't be as beautiful.

And yes, despite my bitching the last few days (few years, too) I think my life is beautiful.

Caleb's headed off to E3 - if you know what this is you're now plotting to kill him and secretly take his place, if you don't know what this is I won't be explaining - and won't be back in contact until Sunday. Last night I got to talk with Kadin for a while and between that and a delicious brief MP3 that Torian sent I actually got a fairly large part of my tenseness to flicker away. I'll be talking with Kadin again... not sure when, although I'm fairly sure I had an Actual Plan that I mentioned when he was on the phone. Frustrating memory.

...I feel so elated...

Yeah, still hung up on song fragments. *wry grin*

My mother is so predictable.