...and...

*blinks a bit* ...and I'm not going to talk about the other thing that is rather suddenly happening. One person knows, and I will trust that person when it is asked of me that I keep quiet about this.

But dammit I had to say SOMETHING, or my tears and laughter and nervousness and relief will all stay bottled up in here, getting more confused by the minute. So here's a lot of the things I am thinking, in vague terms.

I am, in a very particular way, actually happy about how things are at the moment. Not because of what happened to get them there, but because once again there's this... potential. I use that word a lot - I like it; I like what it is and what it means and even how it sounds.

I have this little ache in the pit of my stomach. I think it's actually envy... both of the love and loyalty involved, and because I am stunned by...

...nope, dangerous territory. Never mind.

My throat feels like there's little knives all the way through it - it hurts even to talk. *pouts* Still going: problems with Oregon Health Plan, problems with the pain management clinic that won't let me in until October, problems with the fact that I am not-so-slowly and very surely running out of painmeds AGAIN... and I miss people.

There are three emails I need to respond to - it will have to wait.

Gods, but I just want to stop hurting... or at least have my pain MEAN something. Why is that so hard?