I Know I'm Not Gonna Get Enough Sleep
Previous - this entry written on May 16, 2002 at 2:05 am - Next


I am trying out something new: you can see it above, just below the date-and-time. I'm gonna stick in the titles of books, or links to weblogs or news articles, or whatever else sounds amusing (I may stick song titles in there too, instead of quoting the lyrics - dunno yet).

It's late. 2:00 in the morning-ish late. I have to stop eating and drinking in an hour or so... and Grr shows up at 5:30... no sleep for a Jax today. Or not much, anyway.

I tried to eat pickles and they are not sitting well.

This goes out to an astonishingly large number of people, more than I thought would be necessary:

I have been, and will continue to be, online as much as I can. While I am sick enough that sitting up causes severe physical pain, or while throwing up every few hours is normal, that will not be often. Frequently, even if I AM online, I won't be on any messaging programs, purely because I don't have the time to have proper conversations or don't have the energy for same. This is not a comment on you personally. This is not me saying I don't care, or don't want you, or am ignoring you, or whatever other self-centered idea has gotten into your head. This is me being sick, and being very aware that spending a lot of time in front of a computer right now is NOT healthy and NOT practical and NOT productive.

*takes a deep breath, panting a bit, and sighs*

Seriously... I'm not avoiding anyone. I'm not trying to leave anyone behind. I miss a LOT of you. However, I am sick, and I intend to take care of that BEFORE worrying about whether or not your egos are surviving my absence... if you can't live without me while I recover, then you know what? *blinks* You have a LOT more problems than me being offline. Seriously. Take a look at your life.

I am nobody's babysitter right now, I am SICK, and I am TIRED, and I am BUSY, and until that changes, please don't try to make me feel guilty for not being constantly online and attentive and so on.

'cause it DOES work, and then I get all pissed off, and then I DO want to avoid you.

*shrugs, pads off to try to get a bit of sleep*

P.S. - "Hi, I miss you" emails, guestbook signings... those can be ok. I miss you too, I like knowing you care. "You must hate me, you don't care about me" emails, hate-guestbook-signings (of which I have deleted two now)? Fuck off. You're VERY stupid, if you believe that. Or you're trying to make it true by saying it so much... either way, fuck off.

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