Also easily depressed.

Angel is... upset... with me.

Caleb is leaving in a month.

I am groundless, baseless... free-falling and not in any good way. *shivers*

I don't DO this. I don't do this, I don't. Jaxes are designed to cope, they are good at it, really...

I keep listening to "Turn Out The Light" by Nelly Furtado (gods, what a name) and trying desperately to cheer up. It would help if I could stop shivering.

I feel disconnected from the world.

Angel...

*blinks*

...I shouldn't care that she's upset. I shouldn't care that it's my doing.

I shouldn't.

But I do.

"Because that girl, you know she acts too tough, tough, tough... who's gonna turn out the light, turn out the light... I say that girl, you know she acts so rough, rough, rough..."

*sighs*

"Follow me, follow me, follow me, down down down down... not everything in this magical world is quite as it seems..."

So many new addictions. So many old ones building.

I envy Alex... I envy him a mentor.

The closest I ever had was a crazy girl... a wannabe stripper... and a bisexual pagan poligymist or however you spell it... and those were few and far between. Never...

...never what I needed when I was young.

Never a chance.

I make my own chances, I do. I'm a whore in some sense. I sell myself... not my body, but my mind, my personality, any skill I have. I do what I can to make what I can so I can keep living for a little while longer.

Here's a good question: why the fuck do I bother?