Mary, Mary.

Smooth Criminal.

Giving In.

The music keeps getting louder... and I keep updating, goddess only knows why... I shouldn't be online. I shouldn't be online at all, certainly not trying to have rational, calm conversations, and if there is one thing that I DON'T need, it is the damned masks I keep wearing when I try to behave like a Normal Person when really, I'm in this kind of a mood.

Love is just a bloodsport... oh, I WISH it were. I wish it were.

I'm repeating myself quite a bit tonight.

Why is this all so complicated? I keep demanding simplicity. I keep getting confusion and chaos. Yeah. Sometimes it's my own doing. But this time I would swear I was aiming for a nice, calm, quiet day. Peace and comfort and contentment. Resting up, maybe seeing friends, nothing big and fancy.

NO F'ING EMOTIONAL STRESS SO INTENSE THAT I'M CURLED UP IN A F'ING BALL.

No, thank you. I can do without that. My door is unlocked tonight. I have enough painmeds that no matter what happens, I'll survive it without TOO much discomfort long enough to get to a hospital, if necessary. Whip and riding crop are both hanging on the wall just inside the door. Ankle cuffs are in the bathroom. I have no idea where the wrist cuffs are but I suspect I could find them.

No. Not an offer. Not an invitation. Not, by any means, a suggestion. Call it... *snickers* ...a warning.

And no, I've no idea WHO I am warning. I hope whoever-it-is takes it to heart. I'm not saying it twice.