Not enough time in a day, in a week, in a month... I KNOW I said "after the holidays I will have actual time".

But I'm repeating it again, k?

AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.

Let me get past New Year, past Caleb's visit and dealing with OHP and fighting with my body and a hundred other things that have been keeping me distracted.

Let me get a bit of rest, a bit of sleep, a bit of an Actual Life without everyone online assuming either I hate them, I'm ignoring them, or I've just stopped caring about them.

Let me occasionally say things that do NOT directly involve someone without the someone getting all offended and upset and hurt, just because I don't talk about them 24-7.

Let me actually be able to write in here - or NOT write in here, for that matter - without half the people I consider friends (or more) deciding it's a personal slight, no matter WHAT or WHO I was writing about.

Let me just f'ing enjoy the holidays.

Let me wait to deal with trouble, let me hold off on punishments, let me tell you things such as "I love you, and I will be there, but right now I can't be online/on the phone/there in person" and have it be accepted instead of taken as further proof that I hate/despise/ignore/dislike you.

ARGH.

Let me get some rest, some sleep, without feeling guilty because at least one person wanted me online and around Right Then but either hadn't bothered to tell me or HAD told me and hadn't listened when I said I couldn't be there.

Let me keep my calm, don't push my buttons over and over again, don't make me WANT to hurt or ignore you.

Just... dammit... give me until after the holidays.

Please.

I'm actually begging here.

Just a few more days, please, can't I be granted that?

*sighs, curling up in a very small ball, shivering*

Apparently not.

Not in this lifetime, anyway.