Not Quite A New Year
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It's not quite a new year... it's a new month, though. A month where I know I'm going to disappoint some people: my bosses, who expect me to have perfect health... Kadin, who expects me to be in Canada in a few weeks when I have no money and have already missed nearly a month of work... Elru, who expects me to eventually make a comittment I know already I won't be able to keep... Rhett, who expects me to eventually grow up... Caleb, who expects me to eventually remember to clean house and put away clothing... Scott, who is down on the coast and so I am not likely to see him as often as I keep saying I will... my parents, who expect me to call them and to keep in touch despite snubbing my pet/boyfriend/fiancee'... Rob, who expects me to return the love he gives me, which seems to imply a version of monogamy *washes her mouth out with soap* and a lot of devotion that, let's face it, is just not the sort of thing I DO.



I am Jax. I am me. Iri sa. If that's not enough for you, fine, ask me nicely and I'll see what I can do... but sometimes I can't. Not necessarily in all of the above, not in all of anything... just, world, remember that the Jax is fragile. I always recover... but that doesn't mean I hadn't been broken first.



So this is my New Month's rant. Not very impressive... I'm not really sure what it is.



I guess in a roundabout, drawn out way it is an apology. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry for not trying harder. I'm sorry for misunderstanding. I'm sorry for taking you wrong, or too literally, or not literally enough. I'm sorry for being confusing. I'm sorry for making mistakes.



I may not be able to fix everything... I don't want to, it would be boring. But I'm willing to help, maybe just fixing a few of the bits of it over here by me... and go from there?



*sigh* I hate vicodin.

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