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Previous - this entry written on May 06, 2003 at 2:49 pm - Next I'm so tired of playing, playing with this bow and arrow, gonna give my heart away... I've sure as hell been SOMETHING for too long now. RahaniJaxRaven: *very curious* What brought that up, t'lesh? TorianAzRoo: Mainly curiosity. TorianAzRoo: Who were you referring to in the he-she paragraph? RahaniJaxRaven: *nips lightly at you* Alex - AL X - someone from years and years ago. TorianAzRoo: she? TorianAzRoo: Do you think I'm always going to stay/be yours? RahaniJaxRaven: She - Angel. And today I haven't the slightest idea, t'lesh... I just found out a few hours ago that there is something wrong with my head, and cheerful as I'm trying to be about it it's scaring me senseless and I am NOT going to think about forevers when they might only be a day or two away. ...just take a little look from outside when you can... I've spent the last 5 hours with my jaw locked closed on tears and worry. I feel sick to my stomach. I can't... ...can't what? Can't cope? Can't pull my own arse out of the fire for once? Can't find SOMETHING good in all this shit? Please, could you stay a while to share my grief? I remember. That's the kicker, the reason that I keep tumbling down, I can't ever forget the few pieces of my life that I want to erase, I can't ever have back the few flashes of happiness that were the only thing keeping me going, keeping me sane, back then. Maybe now, too. I have so much right now, health care and lovers and mates and friends and books and internet access. I know it could get worse. Hell, I know it WILL get worse, somehow. It's just... ...I really don't want to turn into someone who has forgotten everything. I'm scared. I'm really, really, REALLY scared. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
