I cried... he cried...

...he's been sick, a cold-and-flu thing. He has been trying to call, but kept getting busy signals.

I talked to Kadin last night.

And it was good, it was closeness, it was so many things...

...it was a reminder of just how far away he is.

And just how hungry I am.

And just how little either of us can do about either of these facts.

There's so much I want to do... to say.

I had a huge entry thought out last night.

I had all these plans.

It's all fading away as I try to write. *sighs*

I know what I want to say... it's so simple. Such simple words. I love him. I miss him. I need him.

But - and this is the part that bothers me - I'm not 100% sure the need is HIM. I think it's more that I need what he gives me, what he is for me, what he does for me. I need that. I need my hunger fed again.

It doesn't help that the stone is getting worse and that I think I have a bladder infection.

It doesn't help that I'm craving vicodin (or anything else that makes the pain actually go AWAY, not just next door for a few minutes).

It doesn't help that I keep... ehh, call it daydreaming.

Nothing helps.

*sighs*

Yes, I'm depressed again.