...A Pillar Of Fire By Night
Previous - this entry written on November 03, 2002 at 6:34 pm - Next


Straighten up and fly right...

...Grr and I have both lambasted spike-boy for being a deceitful, arrogant, rude, manipulative, aweful little twit. I more so than Grr, mostly 'cause I have NO reason to even TRY to be nice any more.

Peaceful Grr says:
I'm not fighting anymore.
Peaceful Grr says:
I'm tired of the whole thing...but I can't in good consience tell him to fuck off immediately, since I DO love him and some part of me DOES want to make things work.
Queasy Jax says:
*nods*
Queasy Jax says:
But you've told him that this is his last chance, yes?
Peaceful Grr says:
But i won't put up with it anymore.
Peaceful Grr says:
Yes.

I know she loves him, she's loved him for years and years... and I know how deep and abiding love can be, no matter who it is directed at, no matter how irrational it seems. I understand how hard it is to be willing to END something that you know should have worked out.

Sadly, though... humans, as a whole, suck dogs cods. Humans are annoying. And male humans, particularly lying, treacherous, pathetic prettybois who can't even tell the same lie to two women... yeah. REALLY don't think much of them.

I quoted Grr with her permission... I'm going to quote Spike now, not so much with permission, but then, until he makes the decision Grr set to him, I have NO respect for him... so I don't care.

Spike-boy says:
So feel free as you like to think that I'm just going to keep on doing so, over and over again. Most people tend to do so. Fail to see patterns, fail to fix things on the inside.
Jax Raven says:
See, you don't get to play the 'I'm a changed man' card.

He doesn't. He hasn't changed in the entire time I've known him, he hasn't done ANYTHING to show, yet, that he deserves even a split second of human kindness.

Spike-boy says:
You know, I distinctively recall mentioning that yes, I'm aware that I've lied and that I've done so to myself as well as to others. But hey, maybe I'm just lying about that to. What ever matters anymore is apparently nothing.
Jax Raven says:
Spike-boy, being AWARE that you've lied, having maybe MENTIONED that you've lied, doesn't make up for the lies. It doesn't make them go away. It's not an apology.

It still took him enough tries to be actually LAUGHABLE before he could get out an apology for lying. I'm serious. How hard is "I'm sorry I lied to you and to Grr"? Pretty hard, 'cause I got:

"Sorry for being a fucked up fucking human being, just like everybody else."

"Nothing I can or will ever say will ever undo anything that's been done before. Nothing I can say or do will make any changes. What is now, is. For that, I am sorry. I'm trying my best to keep it from happening again. But I don't know how to do that. And for that, I'm sorry as well."

"I'm sorry you feel as though I didn't respect you, or your friendship. I'm sorry about what's been said and done that shouldn't have been to bring that about."

"I'm not one for helping people. I'm not one that should be helping people, save by example of what not to do. And I mistakenly thought I was better than that, and for that too I'm sorry."

GODS.

And then, ONLY then...

Jax Raven says:
Y'know what?
Jax Raven says:
You STILL haven't apologised for lying.
Jax Raven says:
You're STILL dancing around it.
Jax Raven says:

Will you ever learn?
Spike-boy says:
I'm sorry that I lied. To you. To vicki. To myself. Lied about what I felt, what I thought. Lied for the sake of not having to do anything.

I'm just sorry I was foolish enough to believe him.

Grr, you know I love you and care about you, you're one of my best friends on this planet or any other, you mean the world to me... but so help me, if he refuses to make a decision, or says he'll behave and ends up fucking up again, and either way you STILL let him stay around, no consequences, nothing, letting him get away with lying AGAIN and hurting you AGAIN and (yeah, I'm getting a tad selfish now) hurting ME again...

...I'll go find the 2x4 and loan it to Thomas so he can give you a tap or three.

*sighs*

I can understand how much he matters to you... remember Alex? Or hell, Scott? But he's a threat to your family's happiness, he's a SERIOUS threat to your happiness, and damn it, he's not doing much for mine either, not as long as he's there taking up space and eating your food and using your electicity and during all of this, he's sleeping around with other people, lying to you about it, etc.

No.

Please, PLEASE don't let him get away with it, this time. For seven years you've been waiting, giving him another chance after another chance.

*Hugs you tightly* I'll do anything you ask, anything you need, anything that will help you stand up to him if he fucks you over again.

And I'm sorry, GODS I am sorry, that I didn't sit down with you and talk this out the moment I realized he was starting to come between us. Of all the things I've done, that is one of my greatest regrets... that for even a MOMENT I believed some punk-ass little featherbrained knife boy instead of someone I love.

*nuzzles*

Yeah.

I think that's about all I had to say.

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