|
Previous - this entry written on March 10, 2002 at 6:43 am - Next I'm on a mission from Glod tonight. *snickers* Actually, today/this morning/this evening I have something semi-serious to write about, and I suspect this is going to be one of those longish entries that is only of use or importance if you are a Jax or want to know the mindset of said Jax. This is my 'why multiple partners, why poligamy, why THOSE partners' entry. Yep. If you're easily offended, easily frustrated, easily teased, etc, this is NOT the entry you want to read. Sorry. Go look at some other diary. Ok... let's break this down a bit.
Multiple Partners A lot of people, when they hear talk about multiple partners, think of the standard porn scene of two girls and a guy, or of some guy dating (and likely fucking) several girls at once. Terms like 'slut' and 'whore' and 'gangbang' come to mind. At the same time there's often a current of arousal - most people at some point fantasize about more than one partner, either for the physical pleasure provided by two or more people paying attention to their body, or perhaps the more emotional thrill that comes from 'being naughty', servicing more than one other person or watching someone else. I use multiple partners in a pretty standard sense - when I say I've got multiple partners it means that I interact emotionally, sensually, and often sexually with more than one person. Not always at once - but at any given point in time there is more than one person that I consider myself responsible to and for in some sense, more than one person whose opinion I value, whose body I enjoy, and who I care about. Now, a few physical facts. Safe sex first, here... having sex at ALL means being sure that your partner is disease-free, emotionally able to deal with the repercussions and possible results of sex, etc. The same thing applies to multiple partners - you had better be JUST as sure of the last one as you were of the first one, and of everyone THEY have been with, and so on. Adding more people means adding more physical risk and REQUIRES more care and attention. Those things they show on porn? Damned fun, some of them, but not always practical, easy, or as pleasurable as the porn stars make them look. Quite often having three or more people in the same bed means that one or more gets ignored, or accidentally elbowed, or other such things. Now, let's touch briefly on emotions - you know how complicated having a girlfriend or boyfriend makes your life, right? Suddenly you have this other person in your life who you have to pay attention to, who you have to consider... multiple partners means MORE DRAW ON YOU. It means more emotional attachment on your part, or at least more potential for emotional attachment. It means more risks of heartbreak, more chance of falling in love, all of that. There is an emotional bond often formed during sex, and having sex with several people only means that you form MORE bonds, not that you overwrite the one(s) you already have. With all those risks and all that trouble, why would you even bother with multiple partners? My reasons: it actually does feel good for me to be double- or triple-penetrated. I respect my partners enough that when they are tired, sick, not in the mood, I don't want to pressure them... but I DO have a strong enough hormonal drive that I like having someone else I trust and care about. I enjoy the pleasure and ego-boost that I get. I feel that I am able and willing to follow through when it comes to coping with multiple emotion-bonds and emotion-commitments. I do not believe that sex is wrong or bad. I do not believe that sex before marriage is wrong or bad. I do not believe that sex with multiple partners is wrong or bad. I DO believe that sex with someone who is NOT able and willing to deal with any and all results and repercussions of sexual relations is wrong and bad. I DO believe that sex with anyone unable to decide for themselves if they are willing to have sex or unable to appreciate the risks and so forth is bad and wrong. I DO believe that any sexual practices which are truly harmful to one or more people are bad and wrong. Poly Families Ok, the subtitle there might be a bit misleading. This is about relationships, not just the traditional 'family'. It's about the bonds between people. Keep that in mind, and read on... I think that every person has the capacity to love endlessly and without limits. Now before you start picking that to pieces, let me clarify a bit: In a 'normal' relationship, standard boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife, they can love each other deeply, truly, completely, etc. That love can last them their whole lives, never fading, never leaving. Does that mean that every minute of every day they are lovey-dovey, all happy and perfect? Gods, no. Some days he feels tired and just wants to watch tv. Some days she's moody and doesn't want to be touched. Sometimes he needs a day away with his buddies, sometimes she needs a day out at the mall with her girlfriends. This doesn't mean that they love each other any less, just that at any given moment the amount of love/affection/care/etc. that they SHOW may be limited. In a poly relationship, that love has to be shared. Partner A may have a headache, and perhaps gathers himself together long enough to kiss Partner B, but apologises to Partner C and goes to lie down. Partner C feels a bit hurt, right? Or perhaps they all go out to dinner... Partner C and Partner B sit across from each other, and Partner A, who got the corner seat, feels left out. Look back at at the 'normal' couple. On a day when the wife is feeling less-than-fresh, does the relationship work if the husband just sulks and bitches? No... he tells her that he understands, and later, when she's feeling better, they talk a bit, she gives him a kiss, they do something to let him know that he's not being pushed away or ignored or whatever. The same principle applies to a Poly relationship... when one partner feels slighted in some way, a good relationship will have them talking about it, finding a way when Partner whoever feels better or when Partners whichever are less busy, to make the one who feels left out, feel like the center of attention for a while. Point? Like any relationship, a Poly relationship relies on communication, trust, and understanding. In a 'normal' relationship, each partner has a role or roles that they fill, such as husband and wife, master and slave, teacher and student... some of these are day-to-day roles, defining household tasks and responsibilities. Others are sexual in nature, defining the favored habits and traits of each partner when flirting, fucking, etc. Again, the same holds true in a Poly relationship. However, where in a normal relationship, when one person is out of commission due to mood swings, illness, absence, whatever, their roles are left unfilled, in a Poly relationship there is someone to step in and take up the slack. Roles can be shared, tasks divided into smaller portions... and in many ways the interaction is actually simplified by this. Because each partner knows that they have not one, but two or more other people to rely on, their stress level drops. Because each partner knows that their partners are not relying entirely on them, they are able to relax, to rest when they need to. Sexual interaction in a Poly family varies from grouping to grouping... in some relationships everyone sleeps with everyone, in others men and women are straight, only partnering sexually with members of the opposite sex. In some such relationships outside partners are encouraged - 'open' relationships - and in others although within the family there is constant partner-changing, outsiders are no more welcome than they are in a 'normal' marriage. There is no rule that says just because you love two people that you have to love three, and so forth. Which leads neatly into our next topic here - love. Yes, the L-word... big and scary, isn't it? The only way an emotion-based relationship - ANY relationship - can work is if there is love. The real thing, not just lust or affection, although both of them can be added to love and become part of it. In a Poly relationship love is still important. Has anyone ever questioned the idea that a mother can love two or more children at once? Have you ever loved someone deeply and had them leave, or die, or whatever, and a few years later you find someone else you love and care about? Or what of the love you have for your friends? It doesn't stop at just ONE friend, does it? Love in a Poly relationship is like that. It is as deep, as abiding, as true, as any love between anyone. And it involves more than one person. Like any other good relationship, a Poly relationship depends on trust, on love, on honesty and communcation. Like any other good relationship, a Poly relationship is a physical, mental, and emotional commitment between people to care and support, protect and treasure, comfort and help, one another as needed. So. That said (and I know it doesn't explain anything really, feel free to ask questions in the guestbook), the next question would be: why my boys? Simple. I love them, they love me... and they get along together, friendship and affection and care and trust all there. Although I have other toys and other friends, my boys, the ones that I not only claim as slaves and lovers but as mates and partners, care about each other. Without that bond between them, nothing we could do or say would work right, no relationship could stand. I care for all my pets, all my friends, all my slaves... I would not give them up. But I also would not, will not, allow them to be here 24/7, sharing my life and actively involved with it, if I am not CERTAIN that my boys trust them and care for them as much as I do. Nothing short of that. That's my commitment here. Not to remain pure and chaste, not to refrain from sex with anyone ever except my mates, not to be perfect and monogamous... but never, ever, to play with anyone that I don't trust to be clean and sane-ish, for the sake of my boys as well as myself; and never, ever, to bring anyone into our relationship that I am not 100% certain my boys can and will trust, honor, respect, cherish, and care for. This is not a legal marriage. This is something that matters MUCH more to me. This is my honor and my love on the line, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
