I say that... but you know what? I think I'm lying. I think that, honestly, part of me is glad for the pain, for the proof that I'm not imagining my problems, for the drugs that make it all go away. Part of me is glad for the attention something like a root canal brings. Part of me wants to suffer, honestly believes that I SHOULD suffer. And part of me just likes having an excuse not to go to work.

Did I do this on purpose? No, not that I'm aware of.

Am I afraid that maybe, subconsciously, I DID? Damn straight. I don't know, I have no idea how much of what happens to me really is my own fault and how much isn't... it gets very confusing, this early in the morning.

Am I going back to bed?

Yes.