Pouting Muchly, Again
Previous - this entry written on September 10, 2001 at 3:10 pm - Next


Lots of angry red lines on my arm today.

Three of them have scabs, drew enough blood to really last... pretty things. The rest are just that hurtful flushed color you only get when you're cutting with a not-too-clean blade.

I got candle ash and dust in them, would be my guess. Stings quite a bit. However, every time I look at them I get all warm and tingly. I'd forgotten how good it feels, afterward.

I tend to do that with a lot of things.

I forget how relieved I am to have it over with, how glad I am when it's done... how good it feels. And now that I remember just how good it feels, I can't help but wonder if I'll be tempted to do it again. Not for a long time, more than likely... the last time I seriously cut myself was... hm. Back when I was first getting to know Kadin.

*shrugs*

Dai had today off. It's now... hm. 11:15 his time. And he's not been online once. Third day in a row. Once... eh, I understood. Twice... eh, he had good reasons. Three times? Fuck this. I'm not a chewtoy.

I'm a bit peeved, if only because he swore up one side and down the other that he'd be online today. It... bothers me... to be lied to. If he'd just said 'no, I won't be around', I'd have accepted it and been fine. But this... this pisses me off.

It shouldn't. I've only known him for what, a couple weeks? And yet it does. It used to piss me off to no end when Kadin would disappear, when Nreshan would. Realistically though, I've disappeared often enough, I more than likely deserve this. *sighs* Karma is a bitch.

Gods... I wish my stomach would settle. Or the migrane would go away. Either of those, I think, would improve my mood. Until they do, I'm going to sit here and stare at the computer and pout.

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