I hate my mother, by the way.

Idiot bitch ran red lights, got sideswiped, nearly GOT ME KILLED, and seemed fucking SURPRISED when, in adrenalyn shock and on oxycodone, a bad combination, I started hyperventilating, then told her (after she TURNED in her seat to look at me, WHILE driving) to watch the road and shut up. I swear, she's nuts.

Went to the allergy specialist today, yes. Not for an IV today, thank the gods... but between the constant allergy tests, the queasiness, my half-awake and in a LOT of pain state, and a bunch of only partially-formed fears rattling through my head...

...ehh.

I know what I want and need right now...

...and I can't have it.

Eventually, though... eventually... I can't wait until this settles down though.

My hands are shaking, still.

My stomach is a cold knot.

My eyes are blurry.

I feel like I'm going to either throw up or pass out... and I know I don't dare do anything about it, don't dare change the few things I maybe COULD.

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me... must be a bad trip... maybe I should get some help... I can't stay on your morphine 'cause it's making me itch... I think I'll get out of here...

I know what I need... and I, ~I~, both cannot and will not have it.

...gods...

...I wish I'd gotten more sleep.