Pet, read back through ICQ logs, or through my diary... a frightening number of times the only reason that I have been smiling, happy, has been because of you. Things you said, things you didn't say, the way you behaved, just knowing you existed.

Knowing you are mine... that makes me smile often. Whether I am talking with you or not, whether I am around you or not, it doesn't change, it doesn't seem any less important. I've had a grinning fit on the bus because I looked around at the people and quite literally had to bite my lip to keep from going "Nayahhh nayahh, I have him and you don't, you all look so depressed but ~I~ have an Arrasto."

No, you and I aren't in 24/7 contact. Yes, some days you need my attention, you need something specific... that's upkeep, love. It's something that everyone needs, something that anyone who cares should be willing to give. And I do care, so I am more than willing to give you what you need when I can.

I lead a hectic life, and rather prefer it that way, the busier I am, the less I get depressed (speaking of which, any news on the job yet?). Sometimes this means that I'm out of the house and away from computers for days at a time... but even then, usually at least once a day I will find time to hop online, and at those times, if I can even TRY to spend time talking, you know I will.

I miss you. I want you. I enjoy your company, I like the way you make me laugh, I savor the way you make my heart race. You feed my hungers, you satisfy my desires, you make me feel content to be me.

You give me something rare: the knowledge that you are THERE. That you care. That you exist. That YOU exist. Yes, there are other people who are there, who care... but none of them are you, t'lesh. That... *shakes her head*

You. It wouldn't matter if I didn't see you for a month... well, it WOULD matter, in that I would be very lonely and missing you and worrying... but it wouldn't change how I feel about you, it wouldn't change how much I want you, how precious you are.

The only person who can change THAT is you, love... and somehow I don't see you doing anything quite that drastic and foolish. *ruffles your hair* You know me - another reason you are valuable - you know me well enough NOT to push the wrong buttons, not to hurt me.

*nuzzles you gently* I could have sent this as an email... I could have tucked this out of sight and only let you see it... but pet, I am perfectly happy with the rest of the universe knowing how important you are. I feel this way about my boys... about my slaves... about you. If something matters to me I see NO reason to hide it.

And yes, you matter. *licks* You've kept me sane and cheerful on days when I would have sworn the universe was collapsing around my ears. You've introduced me to wonderful new music, you've given me fun books to read and a rabbit to cuddle, you've let me hear that wonderful voice... damn, that voice...

I like getting stuff. I like having company. I like it when my ego is stroked, I like it when life goes my way. However, I've had an irritating enough life that really, I'm used to getting my moments of goodness at rare intervals. I'm ok with that, somewhat... it makes me treasure those good times all the more.

This applies to anyone I own, anyone I love, anyone I trust: Yes, if the shit hits the fan, I certainly hope you'll be there to stand by me. Yes, if I need you, I hope you'll be there. Yes, I want you around, I need you in my life, I care about you and desire you.

But.

BUT.

I know that everyone else has lives too... I know that you can't always be there, I know that sometimes I am busy or foolish and don't LET you be there. And that is, frustration not withstanding, ok. Because I know also that when it matters, you're there.

And I REALLY hope that when it matters, I can be there for you. Whatever it is you need. Whatever it takes. Because you're mine, you see... because I care, you see... because it, because YOU, matter to me, I will do my best to be there for you, just as I know you do your best to be there for me.

That's what matters.

*smiles softly* That's what makes life good, is when you find the people who are there for you, who make it all ok.

There are people who can, just by existing, make getting up in the morning seem easier.

*licksnuggle* Arrasto, you are one of those people.