Got through a big battle with bullywogs and giant crocodiles, kicked ass, although our resident dwarf is dead now. *pouts*

I think next game, assuming the boy has apologised for calling twice AFTER the time when he knows NOT to call, I'm going to see if people are willing to give Kadin a ring and talk with him. I know he'd enjoy getting to say hello to everyone and hearing how we're doing. *soft smile*

Torian is watching the nameless slave again for a while... he says he wishes the slave were real right now, said so in his latest entry, and I can't help being curious as to why. I look forward to his return from school so I can ask him.

I've been reading notyetnamed (who is linked above, but who I'll also link to here)... her situation, reading her journal, makes me think a lot about my boys. She's owned by a man who also owns other slavegirls, at least one of whom in turn keeps a few slaveboys of her own... many of the slavegirls have been marked, and judging from how she's described it, I suspect the mark in question is a brand. *purrs softly*

I've been enjoying her entries, seeing through her eyes. She really writes well... she lets you see what it's like to be a slave who is not first in her Master's household, who is just one of many... but who is loved and treasured. Really expressive. If you've enjoyed reading Kadin's or Torian's Slave Weblogs, I strongly recommend looking at notyetnamed's journal.

I know I had something else I intended to say... *blinks*

...no, not about any of the topics I've mentioned already. There was something at the back of my mind, waiting to be written about all f'ing day, and now that I'm here staring at the computer every bit of literary talent I ever thought I had is walking out the door flipping me off, my memory has gone on vacation for the evening, and I am being distracted by the sharp stabbing pain in my left side.

Have I mentioned that life HURTS?

Oh, something I was asked in my generalness survey: does it hurt all the time?

Yes.

Some days... some days the pain is barely noticable because I've had it for so long, it only catches me when I turn suddenly at the waist or go down stairs too quickly. Some days it's all I can do to get out of bed without screaming. Most days are in between. But yes, there is always pain.

It's one of the reasons I first got interested in BDSM, at least the S&M part of it: giving pain to someone else makes me feel balanced. Taking pain that someone is giving me in some ways gives me a bit of control over what I'm feeling and in other ways just means that the hell I'm going through is at least benefitting someone. Either way, it gives the pain running through me meaning, purpose, direction.

It makes hurting seem... not so bad.

When I was a lot younger and living on the coast, I didn't hurt nearly as much as I do now. Most of my problems then were courtesy of allergic reactions (well, other than the bladder infections every other month). I had horrible temper tantrums, couldn't sleep at night, had an internal thermometer that thought I was supposed to be roast turkey, not human being... I was constantly depressed, often angry, irritable, confused, dazed...

...sometimes I look around myself at the life I have now and am outright stunned that with a childhood as fucked up and fucked over as mine, I could end up somewhere this good. And yes, compared to a few of those childhood years, agonizing physical pain isn't that bad. I can COPE with it.

*curls up, sighing*

The rest of this, though... the depression sometimes bites a bit deeper than I would like. It's not pleasant, not at all, hearing voices that aren't even the ones I PUT in my head. It's not enjoyable looking around and feeling like you're trapped in one of the illustrations from the Scary Stories books - everything looking wrong, dusty and bloodstained and dark in all the bad ways, stomach churning just from the sight of things you see every day, normal things, things that SHOULD seem harmless.

Hm.

Apparently I had things to write about after all.

However, as I don't particularly LIKE what I'm writing about, I think I'll go read online comics instead.