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Previous - this entry written on March 05, 2002 at 1:02 am - Next Reasons not to hurt, touch, etc. yourself at someone else's command, suggestion, or request, and their counter-arguements: 1) Because it means losing control, succumbing to someone else's orders, someone else's will. - Every day in life you encounter situations where for one reason or another you must give up control. Whether it's listening to parents or teachers, obeying a law, sitting still while a doctor examines you, or even loosing self-control, anger or frustration flaring out of control, you are for that moment powerless. When you willingly surrender your control to someone else, you CHOOSE to submit. That choice is yours. Yes, after that, you are obeying orders. Always though, it is done with the knowledge on both your part and the part of your owner that you chose. You want to be there, you want to serve, or you wouldn't be doing it. 2) Because a dependance on physical pain to relieve yourself emotionally can be harmful. - Any time you are hurting yourself without rules, without guidelines, it is dangerous. Most people who experience self-inflicted pain do so when they are under extreme stress or experiencing extreme emotions; their self-control is bending if not broken, and their desire to hurt and suffer can often outweigh their self-preservation instincts. When you are following instructions, the pain still hurts, the emotions are still concentrated and focused... but now you know that there is someone there who knows what is hurting, someone you can trust to make sure that it doesn't get out of hand. It allows you to release the emotions that cause such needs without the risk that you will go too far or too fast. 3) Only a crazy person would inflict self-injury, hurt themselves, etc. - The human mind works in quite a few strange ways. All over the world people, particularly teens and young adults, are trying to cope with the incredible stresses and fears they experience. Sometimes that coping takes the form of self-hurt or self-mutiliation. And sometimes it goes beyond coping into something suicidal or simply crazy. However, there are a lot of reasonably sane people who do things that in some way hurt or damage: staying up late to talk to an old friend, taking care of someone sick even though there is a risk you could catch what they've got, a mother going without so that her child can have what is necessary to survive, a buddy wading into a fight you both know you can't win just to protect your back and be there for you. When you give someone your body, your pain, your surrender, you are in many ways allowing just those sorts of 'hurt' to occur. You are suffering for their pleasure, knowing that your pain will make theirs ease, will make them smile. They are hurting you, knowing that often it will satisfy some need you have, bring you closer, make things feel right again. It's not about trying to tear yourself apart. It's about that communication, that shared pain. 4) It's physical pain. It hurts. How far will you let yourself loose? Will you able to tolerate it later if it gets worse? - That thing about 'sticks and stones'? It's bullshit. Words, emotions, they hurt far more than a few bruises or scratches, or even broken bones. The body is designed to heal itself as quickly and efficiently as possible. The mind and heart do not always recover so fast. Physical pain can be tolerated, can be bandaged and kissed, can be taken care of. It comes back to trust, too. In that moment of surrender, you are trusting the person who asks for your pain, trusting that he or she will not allow it to go too far. In addition, your body has a few built-in safeguards. It is surprisingly difficult to seriously hurt yourself on purpose unless you are already willing to die and planning on dying... in which case, why do you care? 5) It's not so easy to let loose. Actually do that. And there's this fear that because of that fact you won't be able to satisfy. - Any parent will tell you that a gift made by the hands of someone you care about is more precious and valuable than some million-just-like-it storebought gift. Anyone can spout pat phrases, anyone can claim to serve or submit or care. Not many people can let loose, no. It's not easy. It's rarely pleasant. It hurts, it's scary, and it's still a little bit dangerous. Which means that if you are even willing to try, that's going to bring a flutter of pleasure and pride to the heart of the person who asked you for your pain. It means too that if you succeed, you've given a gift priceless beyond measure. It's something only YOU can give, something that cannot be forced, cannot be demanded. And it's something special enough that anyone who even begins to be worthy of such a gift would never think of asking for it if they were not already sure that you would succeed in pleasing them, if they were not content with whatever the result was, or if they did not believe in you. You cannot fail, when you are trying your best and honesty doing what you are able to. If you CANNOT, then you cannot. That's that, and it's ok. If you CAN, but simply choose not to try... that's the only time when you could fail. Hosted by Diaryland - All Rights Reserved - Image, Layout, and Content copyright Jax Raven - - Do Not Feed The Moose - |
