I need to head downtown soon, to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic and the rest of my painmeds. I need to do quite a few other things but, being broke again until people repay what they borrowed or until I find a new way to make some money, I can't... so the trip to the pharmacy will do, for now.

Hungry, a bit. There are frozen blueberries that sound tolerable, but what I'd really like right now is an Actual Meal. Solid food, on a plate, protein and starch and veggies and the whole nine yards. *wry grin* Amazing how much of a wishful-thinking a meal can be. Yeah, thank you, I feel even more broke now.

Among other things.

Strange, that when I feel my most sadistic I can't get in touch with the one I know would... enjoy... it.

Annoying, to have had so many plans, so much I wanted to do... and to be refused those hopes and goals.

Frustrating, to want so strongly and have the patience to get what I want, only to lose it again due to someone else's lack of patience.

But it's not just lack of patience, and perhaps this is how it is supposed to be. Yes, request granted.

Depression.

Not suicidal, no death wishes, no desire to go hurt myself; a desire to hurt others, but that's incidental and more tied in with hormones than my current mood. Just... depressed. Wanting to curl up and pretend that for today at least I am normal, and safe, and have everything I need.

It's nearly 11:30 now, this has been coming out in bits and pieces as I read other journals, talk online, and just generally try to exist.

Heh. At least I'm getting the file I have been wanting/needing for WEEKS now... need to look something up. Yes, something specific. No, I'm not saying what. *grins softly*

I'm going to post this now, as it's past 11:45.