Save me.

Bring me to life.

...there's one rather major problem with lyrics like those...

...sometimes you have to do things yourself. Sometimes you have to give up on people. Sometimes... sometimes you are all there is.

I need a shower.

I'm also aware that I've taken the first step, and a lot more after that... I'm waiting. I will always be waiting.

I am.

We are.

Since consolidating seems to have once again worked out poorly, with the parts that are needed now being suppressed purely because they weren't useful then. No more of that. There's no real reason to waste energy trying to remake myself when all I really need to do is fall back into at least part of what I was. Screw normalicy, neh?

So mentally I'm spiralling again, not too far but far enough. There's restructuring to be done and hey, lucky me, I know how to shatter myself quicker and cleaner than anyone else on the planet could manage. No reason not to, every reason TO. So. Yeah.

Rammstein and rap, Portishead and punk, my box is full of loud music tonight while I wait. Sun's set, it grows darker... tempting, so tempting, to goth up and hitch downtown, just Go Out for a while. I've been In too long.

Realistically, I need to stay here. Tomorrow somehow I need to get paperwork, get my meds, and get the damned room clean. It's not a mess until I can't find my clothing.

Violent music, and how long has it been since I've tasted blood? How long since I felt proud walking the streets at night, stalking through the shadows and dancing in the streetlights' glow? How long since I've done something that took a bit of doing, effort, involvement, and at the same time so irrational or teen-ish that... *sighs* ...that I loved every second of it?

Too long, would be my guess.

Dance.

Spin.

Shatter.

...and the world is mine.

8:45. Becca will be here soon. Yes, I fully intend to draw her down with me - it's FUN down here, even in the gloomy parts, and Ryan's already on his way down. If she wants to keep him company, she'll have to fall. Mostly 'cos I have been determined to draw him down for quite some time.

Fade.

Gleam.

Breathe.

I'm going to go look for some of my CDs.