Take My Love, Take Me... But I'm Already Taken Away
Previous - this entry written on October 25, 2002 at 12:54 pm - Next
Full playlist, and a lovely grey banner above this little textbox with blackscrawl words reading "in my feverish dreams i can see my killer"... precious pretty, and I'm dancing free.Aye, dreamwalking. No drugs. No alcohol. Today I'm striding out without either, unneeded crutches that they are. Always, it's a pleasure to find this point, takeoff and re-entry turning into one long glorious burn. Last night... last night, I was at someplace that's almost home and it was good. Save for one tiny detail. Kadinpet... oh my love, your lesser half will have his fun tonight. We've promised that. We won't interfere. But last night I asked for you, demanded you, little lurking kitten that you are, you waited, silent. So very silent. *tsks* Too silent. When will you learn, my pet? When will you learn? Aye, echoes of another's words but the thought holds true. Read this well: Saturday night, when you see me online, you will beg to be made to scream for me. Do you understand that, pet? I may not drive you to that point - it may not be necessary. But here, let me list a few things: You have full internet access, you KNOW I expect you to update... and you do not. You have full access to all of my journals and weblogs, and yet when I request that you contact me... you do not. You have - and yes, I hold YOU to this - managed to chase away one of the most solid Fragments in here, and yet you do nothing to show that you will not make the same mistakes twice, three times, or more. And now? Now, my delicious little kitten, you have my attention. Hello. Dreaming, waking... it's all the same, at this point. I spent the early morning hours watching you. Silent. Cameraflicker... not online otherwise. Merely watching. You have my attention. Do you want your freedom yet, little kitten? I told you once you'd find yourself begging for it. I don't intend to hold you to that, but it amuses me to think of you finally... growing up? Growing away? Oh my pet, you won't ever have that chance. Isn't it sad, looking in the mirror and seeing a slave staring back? Knowing that you gave up any choice in this... months... years... ago? Gave yourself to me. Surrendered. Submitted. And now you fight, silent faint half-conscious struggle, and I WILL win, little kitten. Don't worry. I will win you over and over again... ...and to think, the entire rant-and-rave in the back of my mind about you is only a fraction of what I'm dreaming of. It never ceases to amaze me how many things are possible in this world... and out of it. Thank god for text. Text... and the company of a slave who pleases me greatly. Torian, you have no idea how much of a comfort you are right now. Walking... dancing... it is necessary, often, to have something to return to. Strange. Jedite. Kaine... do you remember him? Do you remember what I expect of him? Of you? Kadin. Torian... and Arrasto tangled therein. I died too many years ago but you can make me feel like it isn't so... ...you're scared ashamed of what you feel and you can't tell the ones you love you know they couldn't deal but whisper in a dead man's ear it doesn't make it real... ...being with you touches me more than I can say but since I'm only dead to you I'm saying stay away and let me rest in peace... ...let me rest in peace let me get some sleep let me take my love and bury it in a hole six feet deep I can lay my body down but I can't find my sweet release so let me rest in peace... Hello. Pleased to meet you. But then, you KNOW my name. ...I know I should go but I follow you like a man posessed there's a traitor here beneath my breast and it hurts me more than you've ever guessed if my heart could beat it would break my chest...
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