Crouching Tiger, Hidden Tears
Previous - this entry written on 2001-03-27 at 06:55 p.m. - Next


So I just got done watching 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon'. For those of you who have not yet seen it, stop reading here. I am going to completely spoil the ending.





Gone? Ok.



She dies. He dies. Dammit, everybody DIES. They find out they love, they find out why they want to live... and then they die. And I kept having to NOT cry in the theater, even though I wanted to, even though I kept thinking of Elru and Runedrake and Kaine and Al-X, of the faces behind the names... kept thinking and having to hold back my tears because no one else was crying, they wouldn't understand.



Then, out of the theater... the dive, that last perfect leap... and I wanted to cry, I couldn't bring myself to cry because already they were bitching about the movie, the entire household critiquing the lighting and the acting and the realism and everything about the whole damn film, and all I wanted to say was 'I liked it, shut up and let me cry' but I am a wimp. So I stayed silent. And I still haven't cried.



I've been talking to Rhett... gods, why is it that the only person willing to comfort me, the only person around when I need him, the only one who doesn't make fun of me for crying at sappy love stories and for missing people I care about, is a sadist? How fucked up is that?



Yeah, that's not strictly fair... if I sat down and told Caleb what was going on, he'd be sympathetic and hug me and try to say all the right things... but... it's HIS family. He sees it the way they do. He wasn't crying. He wasn't hurting. I don't know if he was thinking of people he missed and people he loved and people he had almost forgotten... I don't know. I can't read him any more.



I have just been informed that Netscape does not display my old entries page. Oh well. I use IE, and honestly, if you don't, today I am not sympathetic enough to care... contradiction there: I want people to sympathize with me but I won't with them. Hm. That's not fair... ok. Tomorrow I make the tables work in Netscape too.



Anyway. I'm done ranting about this... Yeah, I'd like to be able to cry. I want to be able to turn on the old waterworks whenever I felt like it. I still haven't figured out how to do that... it's part of why I am at times a masochist... it's the only way I know of to cry, completely, without complications. I want someone to hurt me right now. I want to be ripped apart until I am a little tiny huddled ball. I want to cry. I want to cry. I want to cry.

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