People wonder why I keep trying to hide my submissive side, why I try to deny it. It's because it's THAT part of me that gets hurt, that part of me that gets ripped into little pieces when reality interferes... and because for some reason, whenever people see that fucking part of me, they decide that's all they want, and ignore the rest of me.

He's worried that I'm going to leave him, that one of my slaves will take me away from him or something. He's worried that I will hurt him, that I will abandon him, that I will push him too far. He's worried that he will hurt ME.

And the answer is so simple... for me, at least. THe problem is that the answer I want to hear isn't one he's capable of giving right now... he would never be happy as a slave, no more than I would be. He's tasted the other side now.

No, that's not all there is to it... life is far more confusing than that. But it's part of it. He wants to be the 'one and only'... but doesn't want to give me what I need, isn't able to do so... then thinks that when someone else fills that niche that they will be able to become my 'one and only' and leave him hanging... not so. There are things he does to me and for me and with me that no one else has done... and a few things that no one else will do again.

He doesn't believe it, though. He doesn't believe me. Which is reasonable... I've not told him absolutely every detail of everything I've ever done. I've not warned him that sometimes I change my mind. I've not been honest and open about the things that even I didn't understand and couldn't explain. *sigh* I feel like I've done... not everything, no... but my best.

And it's not good enough.

I am, apparently, not good enough for him... and the really funny thing? I suspect he thinks he's not good enough for me.