I just got back. 24 is a magical number, because that is the number of vicodin I was given. I now have 21. My vicodin can drink. *amused*

I have promised myself to take them no more than every 10 hours, every 12 if possible. I will make do with advil and alieve and tylenol and asprin. Multiple drugs. I can do that.

No new emails... but then again, I'm talking to Trinian and Rhett, and am perfectly content to do so while the wonderful soft wave breaks over me... I am floating in a warm sea, and it is good.

I'm bitching in Trin's direction. Not AT him, the most he's ever done is be honestly THE most frustrating male I've ever met. Just near him... he, being a fellow Furc addict, understands a lot of what I'm complaining about. He knows the people I bitch about, and occasionally bitches about them too. And he actually tolerates my rants. I really appreciate this - I know just how repetitive I can get, and how self-righteous, and how irritating. I don't feel guilty about ranting here, since anyone reading it can just STOP doing so... but I often feel rather ashamed of doing so at someone via ICQ, or email, or such.

Trinian... he's like Rhett in this, and Kadin, and even Nreshan. He doesn't make me feel guilty, just BETTER. He lets me get out what I need to.

Speaking of which, have I mentioned recently that I love Caleb? The dear boy let me cry on his shoulder a lot last night and today. I held him while he woke up from nightmares. He nuzzled me and held me while I cried and felt horrible about life. He petted me, I petted him. Mutual comfort and affection. This is a very good thing.

And to bounce around again... Nre. *faint grin* He's on my mind right now. I just finished describing him to Trinian, sort of... here, take a look:

Started out by talking about people who had been irritating me online, clingy and rude and generally frustrating people... named off a pawful of names. Then this post, from me...

*grins as well*
I'd add Nre to the list except he's NOT clingy, he's NOT irritating, and he's NOT chasing me. *wry grin* Much as I wish he would some days.
It's actually a pretty nice balance, I snub him just enough to keep him interested, he snubs me just enough to keep me interested, and between the two of us we come up with RP interesting enough and overdramatic enough to keep me from missing Kadin quite as much as I used to.

From Trinian, in response:

*grins*
He sounds good for you.

Me again:

*nods*
He is... admittedly, I'm not all that good for HIM, and I know perfectly well I'm going to make a fool of myself over him at some point... or at least, it's likely to happen.
However, he really does make my days go a lot smoother, and he's a pleasure to talk with - always a good thing.

...and it's true, you see. I am REALLY looking forward to Kadin's arrival purely because I know it will make my own idiocy less likely. I'm quite determined not to fall for the rascal, it would be one of the most dangerous and most pointless things I could do. He's still far too young... and although I know that Nre-the-person and Nre-the-character are two different creatures, he's enough like his alt that I honestly can't trust him completely.

Oh, yes. I'm going to explain that. In FULL detail.

When Aletose (my alt) first found Nre, he had another woman's name carved in his arm... he claimed to be free, claimed that he was unowned and that she meant nothing to him. This was, frankly, bullshit.

In the time that Aletose has owned the boy, he has fallen in and out of love with Venuz (the other woman), Latoya (Aletose' daughter/slave, long story), a femfurre whose name I don't remember at the moment... and at least according to Aletose, someone named Enigma. I personally don't really know if he cares a flying fuck for Enigma, but from Aletose' point of view, he does. She's a bit upset about this, since you see she has made the mistake I refuse to even consider.

Aletose has fallen in love with her slave. With Nre.

She's head-over-heels for him, you see. She briefly owned Kadin jointly, sharing him with Little Kajira, and it was with Kadin's help that she captured Nre the first time... but with Aletose, out of sight is often out of mind, and Kadin's been out of sight a long time. Kaj was the one who loved him... Aletose merely enjoyed him (and I, oocly, wanted him with me no matter what alt I was using, of course). Anyway, Aletose had this long-standing rule... don't fall for your slaves. Unfortunately, Nre's pushed past that. She... she really doesn't have any hesitation when it comes to hurting him. She NEEDS to hurt him, sometimes. It's what she feeds on, what she draws her magic from. That doesn't stop her from caring for him, though. When the girl-whose-name-I-have-forgotten left him, he wanted to die. Aletose wouldn't let him. When she, for training purposes, set out to make him truly miserable... it rather backfired. She made herself miserable too, from worrying about him and feeling sorry for him.

It's all very overdramatic and very romantic and perfect distraction for me.

It's also far too easy to forget that it's JUST a storyline, JUST fiction... since as I said, Nreshan-the-player and Nreshan-the-character are very much alike. Just as Aletose vents her frustrations on him, hurts him, uses him... so I keep wanting to do the same to the boy behind the character. Just as she keeps worrying about him, wondering what he's thinking, watching and savoring his reactions, wanting to protect him... so do I find myself thinking about him at odd moments, daydreaming about him, trying to find his buttons, to bully, tease, prod, convince, argue, and outright order him into reacting... *shrug*

Like I said. I know how likely it is that I'll make a fool of myself over him if I'm not careful. I'm REALLY not looking forward to it. And for his sake as well as mine, I hope I can manage to keep from it... he really is young, emotionally and mentally as well as physically. Yes, the boy is astonishingly mature for his age in many ways - I wouldn't be as impressed by him and as pleased with him if he wasn't. But he really IS young in other ways... he doesn't need a confused Domme with too many attachments already interfering with his life.

Right?