Pain, and frustration, and fear, and sleeplessness, and more pain.

I go to see the doctor at 11:15 tomorrow morning. Hopefully he'll listen when I ask about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (that M.E. thing, yes) and give me an up on my painmeds and some sleeping pills so I can get at least one good night's sleep a week, and maybe even have some actually useful news. Say, a concrete diagnosis, so I can apply for disability for as long as this keeps up. *sighs*

Or maybe not. I don't expect my luck to go that far, really.

Feeling... unusually sadistic. Unusually even for me. This is on levels that... err... well, I think they should scare me. They don't. They just make me hungry. I keep flashing back to the sight of a word, blood-red letters... dammit.

Can't have.

Not now.

No one here.

But oh, the dreams I have tonight...