Throwing A Welcome-Back Party
Previous - this entry written on December 05, 2002 at 3:33 pm - Next
The familiar hungers are finally starting to build again. No more need for submission, not right now. That... is fading fast. And what's replacing it is the ravenous white-hot need that I somehow manage to forget every time it disappears, only to be surprised all over again by how desperately hungry it leaves me when it arrives.
I want. I need. I crave.
And frankly, it's ABOUT DAMNED TIME.
It's about time I found myself licking my lips at the sight of my boys' pain. It's about time I caught myself daydreaming of blood and tears. It's about time I felt this hunger building faster and faster with every moment spent away from my toys. It's about time, yes.
Like every other part of me... I need this. This IS part of me. It's a part I can face, and welcome. It's a part I know how to deal with, and for the most part know how to keep under control when I'm in 'polite company', as it were.
It's also a part I count on for self-defense, and DAMN is it good to feel it rushing back, all feverdreams and lust...
...I've missed this.
I've missed a lot of things.
For now, here's how things stand: I have something of a temporary stay-of-execution regarding bills and such, although it would be NICE to not have them looming over my head and hey, maybe even buy christmas presents? *sighs*
I am playing with a fellow named Ryan - friend of Grr's, and he reminds me for all the world of a Scott if he hadn't met me until he was 21-22 or so. *slight grin* Yes, I'm finding this amusing as all hell. Yes, right now it's just conversation and much petting... which is good, 'cause Jaxes need petting and to be petted. Keeps us sane-ish.
Techno music, red meat defrosting, chocolate and the memory of blood on my lips... yeah.
Anyone in the mood for a party? *snickers slightly* I can't help wondering if anyone picks up on the odd little details, the ones that to me are painfully obvious... the ones that scream identity and emotion, that in a perfect world would be read and accepted by everyone I deal with... no need for complex explanations.
I don't want to explain my hungers, you see. I've done that often enough on these... pages? Ehh. I have, though. I've said everything that needs to be said. What's left is... me.
I am here, between the words, in the pauses, in the deep breaths before each new rush of sound and text.
I am here.
I am back.
Gods, but this feels GOOD. *fierce grin*
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