Anyway... the entry:

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Why bother trying your best when you know you're being set up to fail, or when it's hard to succeed? After all, in the first case no matter how hard you try you're just going to screw up, and in the second one it would take so much effort and hard work to actually get it right...

...certainly, there's no chance that you might be stuck in that awkward position for a reason, right? No chance that just maybe your failure, and the results thereof, are meant to teach you in some way... that training you asked for not all that long ago.

And there's even less of a chance that your struggles, your misery, your self-doubt and frustration and suffering, is bringing enough pleasure to someone else that the other person is able to get some sleep, finally... to smile, for the first time in hours... to be proud of you for your effort, for how hard you tried even when you KNEW you had no chance, and no choice.

Submission - and I'm not talking the "please beat me Mistress" playacting or the once-in-a-while scenes, I'm talking true submission - isn't something that is always easy. In fact, it's something that is rarely easy... or at least, it's rarely easy when it's meaningful. I prize submission, obedience, pleasing behavior, when it's coming with a bit of effort... when I know it took work, determination.

If you ask someone to do something they're already going to do, something they are eager to do, it's not a big deal when they do it. It doesn't mean anything - it's not a sacrifice, it's not going out of their way, there's no effort involved... it shows nothing, proves nothing, other than that they have their self-interest in mind. On the other paw, if you ask someone to do something that you know is hard, that you know will involve them struggling, putting some work into it, and they do it... you know it's being done FOR YOU, it's a gift at that point, something priceless.

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In a sense, slaves in this day and age, in this society, lead a triple life. First, they have their position, their worth as a slave, the hard version... they are less than animals, worthless if they aren't serving, pathetic, helpless... you know the drill. Next, they have their true worth, treasured for their submission, owned, cared for, often loved; this side isn't talked about as often, because it destroys the illusion, the level of cruelty and torment that can be achieved with the first 'life'. Third, there's the life and role that society demands of them, their 'public face'... here they are free, of as much worth as every other human, no more and no less.

It's not easy for a slave to balance those three different faces, three different lives... which one to believe in, which one to act on? They are all, in a sense, true... and yet all contradictory...

...a slave's life is rarely simple. *sighs*

And yet, there are some people who think it's worth the confusion, the pain, the effort...