...

...eh. I don't care, right now.

So what is it you want to hear about, oh loyal readers? D'you want to know how he looks when he's struggling? How he feels? How he's hung? Are you interested in how often he lets out the little puppydog whimpers that make me melt, or what his mouth tastes like, pressed against mine, my tongue invading, raping him?

Or do you want to know what his tears taste like? How frightened I was when he was homesick? How much I hate myself for what I've done to him, what I am doing to him, what I will do?

Are you eager for little details? His hair is soft, silky... it's like Caleb's hair, only shorter - standard 'guy cut' hair. Long enough to pull, short enough not to get easily tangled. Grey eyes that turn blue, green, even gold, depending on mood and lighting. His mouth tastes like curry. His cock tastes sweet, almost as if a few drops of honey have been worked into the skin.

He leaves shit EVERYWHERE, he's worse about it than I am. Forgetful - leaves doors open, money laying around, he makes as many messes as I and with less reason.

He flinches when he sees a whip.

I beat him until he was bruised, a couple drops of blood risen to the surface of one of the welts. I beat him twice, unmercifully, hurting him and driving him to tears, making him scream... and he bit his pillow, held himself down, taking it.

He TOOK it. Not unwillingly. Not forced. He took pain, for me. This... yeah. Pretty. GOOD THING. I like it.

He's clingy, and he's really very kittenish - if he wants my attention, which he always does, he's not shy about just climbing all over me to get it, which is annoying some times, and wonderful other times. I like having him near. He's small enough that I can hold him on my lap. He kisses a bit too enthusiastically but still quite nicely.

And he seems to get along with Caleb. With Slash. With Grr. With Megan and Deb and Juliet and Thomas-Alan. This is good.

Now, here's the problem: living arrangements.

I've got room for him here... but he can't be here all the time. He can't live here. Even though this is my/Caleb's place in theory... Deb refuses. Grr sort of has room... but she only wants him two days a week, no more. Two nights, rather - he and I can spend as many DAYS over there as we want. Megan and Slash have been kind and let kitten and I stay there two nights so far, always good, but I need actual PLACES for him while we're working on getting his visa.

Last resort... is seeming closer.

There are two of them, actually. One of them is that Kadin returns to Canada and fills out paperwork there. One of them is that whole marriage thing. See, I'd LOVE to have him be mine, legally... but Caleb comes first, and really, it would be complicated. I think I will sit down with Caleb and Kadin and Grr, discuss this, figure it out.

I want him to stay and be happy.

I want Caleb to be happy.

I want.

Greedy little bitch... but hey. At least I know what I want, right now. That's better than some days.