It's 8:00 in the morning and I am trying to convince myself that yes, I CAN stay awake until noon and later, that I will be fine, that I will finally get in some decent Furc time without it crashing, without my computer frying for hours, without getting so dizzy that I have to lie down, without getting seriously, ridiculously depressed.

I am trying to convince myself of this and failing miserably.

Incidentally, today's Buffy... ouch. Serious ouch. But congrats to the writers, 'cos face facts, it was unexpected. And hey, at least she's confiding in Spike. We are all in favor of a Buffy-Spike matchup, yes? We would, of course, prefer Willow-Spike, maybe a Willow-Spike-Tara threeway, but ya can't have everything... damn, I wish I could remember the address of that great Willow-Angel fanfic. All BDSM and hottttt... *purrs*

...sorry. I don't often 'do' fanfic, but that piece was so deliciously hot, I couldn't resist.

Anyway, I was ranting about something... oh, yeah. Depression. Which is once again eyeing me viciously, planning to pounce me the moment I'm not watching, and pummel me mercilessly. I want to masturbate but the vibrator is too loud, it would wake Caleb, and I'm not in the mood for finger fun, this is one of those times when I want to cum like gangbusters and get it over with so I can go on. That generally involves penetration and vibration, usually both at once and very focused. It's possible to pass out from that kind of masturbation even when I'm NOT feeling space-case, though, so perhaps it is for the best that vibration is a no-no.

Have I mentioned recently that I am still obsessed with this girl? Her writing style... hrm. There are not accurate terms for it other than blissfully melodic chaos and perfectly insane ordered tintinabulation. Or something like that.

She's impressive.

And kitten updated, which is always a good thing, he is quite insane as well, as his latest entry will certainly prove to the world. *grins* And I love him for it. Gods, I love that boy.

Kadin, Caleb, Nick, Alex... four now. Four.

I am completely nuts, you know. N-V-T-S nuts. Weenie points, anyone? But that aside, I'm also oddly happy, even in a depressive low, which is rare. I've got that nifty "I am gonna be ok" feeling starting to bubble up, just thinking about my boys, and it's chasing away the depression quicker than lickety-split, a phrase often used to imply speed but which honestly makes me think of two people sharing a banana sundae, which is a task which is NOT speedy, rather messy, slow, and generally amusing but certainly not speedy in any sense of the word. Unless you've laced it, in which case you are sick and wrong.

Banana sundaes shared with someone do not need added drugs. Although getting stoned first might be fun anyway. *grins*

I'm still a bit jumpy, waiting for my mom or my dad to call up and announce that I'm expunged from the family tree or whatever, but as it hasn't happened yet... I think it is safe to say that all in all, that DID go well.

I'm grateful for this. I needed to be honest, it irks me when I can't be. SO... yeah. It went well. And that's all I could ask for.

I think I'm done rambling, I'm actually becoming quite hyper now and I'm being tempted to go take a hot bath, which would be wonderful as long as I don't fall asleep in the tub. Anyway, this is me, signing out for the moment.

Peace, love, and other fluffy things to y'all.