I do NOT plan on killing myself. That would be stupid.

I am already using Juno on the computer downstairs - it seems to delight in crashing and hanging the machine, so for every hour spent wrangling with it, I get maybe a half-hour of SLOW usable 'net time.

I will not likely be able to see my Primary Care doctor for a couple months, barring cancellations. Until then, I am living on anti-nausia medications that make me all tweaky, and really REALLY REALLY hurting in far too many places at once.

I need, NEED, a few things to happen before I can be safe/settled anywhere:

I need to sit down with my parents and have a LONG talk, which so far they've been putting off even more than I have.

I need to get more than ER tests run on my stomach and digestive system to see why I've been puking up blood on and off and to do something about it.

Also lumped into the 'medical' category: I need to be pain-free or even CLOSE to pain-free long enough that I can be productive for more than one or two hours a day.

I need Caleb to hep me figure out car insurance info, which I must then get to my parents. Caleb is very busy right now and pretty out-of-it... I don't blame him, though. He IS preparing to move to another state.

Basically, either my money problem or my health problem needs to be cleared up before I can work on either of them. As long as I'm broke, I can't devote enough time and energy to my health, to getting better, hassling doctors into paying attention. As long as I'm unhealthy, I can't devote enough time and energy to anything work-related (or even fun-related... I've been trying to put equal time into working on graphics and writing diary entries, checking email, etc, but even with that after a few hours I simply CAN'T stay at the computer any longer, it hurts too much).

Thought of taking secretarial work - can't stay sitting up for more than a couple hours at a time.

Part time? Fast Food? Some days I am quite literally too sick or in too much pain to move - those days I end up in the hospital, or just try to sleep it off, if I don't have enough painkillers to get up. I'd loose my job within a month.

Thought of prostitution, professional Domme, etc. Sick. Sick, sick, sick. And I have no dungeon, which admittedly I CAN work around, but it's a very scary thing for a 22-year-old woman to be going to older mens' houses under ANY circumstances. Just not safe.

Thought of working for my parents, convincing them that they need 'net access, etc. Yeah, right. My parents don't trust computers, don't trust me, and would drive me to insanity.

Thought of asking my parents to help me with the bills here until either my health clears up or I have enough scholarships, etc. together to cover the basic bills and get me to college at LEAST part-time... because if you miss classes, you can get make-up tests and copy other students' notes. They don't fire you. School, particularly part-time school, I think I could handle.

That's the best option I've come up with. Grr, don't take a stick to me... if you know of some better plan, TELL ME, 'cos I'm not seeing it. I honestly can't think of any other options.